Through Her Eyes IV

I'm pretty tired today, I laid awake waiting for her to go sleep. She arrived home late last night and even let me lay with her on the couch and told me about her trip...I wish I knew what she was saying to me. I wish I could talk to her. I haven't been feeling very well lately, yesterday I peed on the floor but he didn't yell at me...he thinks it's because I'm nervous...I hope he's right. I try my best everyday to wag my tail so they know I am happy. I don't want them to know I haven't been feeling my best lately, she needs me right now and has enough to worry about.

I must have dozed off, I can hear the little one talking to my person...I'm just going to lay here a little longer until they call me out...

Through Her Eyes III

Today I watched her eat, not because I want some but because I rarely see her do it anymore...she pushes it around her plate and every now and then it makes its way to the floor. He always sits with her in the mornings and waits for the little person to come down the stairs. These days she is home more often but when she is gone it feels like forever. I lay under her bed now rather than on my own bed, I can hear her breath and cry but I'm not allowed on the bed so I have to stay under it and cry with her. I think she might be feeling a little better though because sometimes we go outside and I watch her play with the little one and she is showing her how to throw the ball to me.

I remember the day I rescued them, he thought I was picking him because I placed my paw on the back of his leg...but I just needed him to move so she could see me. Our eyes met and I could feel her heart link with mine...I found my person, my soul person...

Through Her Eyes II

Her storms are changing and I can feel a shift in her soul. Her sadness is strong and she barely sees me anymore, it's like she looks right through me but I love her anyway. Sometimes in the mornings she will come and sit on the couch with her computer and allows me to put my head on her lap. I can't talk to her but I can feel her, she needs me, she is my person. She's gone a lot these days but I know she's coming back because he is still here and so is her little person...I take care of the little person when she's gone so she knows the little one will be okay...I wonder if they found the little one where they found me?

My person cries a lot these days and sometimes doesn't change out of her pyjamas until late in the day; I try to take her for walks but she doesn't respond when I bring her my leash so I let the little person walk me around the house. I worry about my person and do my best to be a good dog...

Through Her Eyes

I was finally home after what seemed liked forever; my legs were still a bit stiff but it was a good ache. I found Django laying in the kitchen when I turned-on the light, she was barely able to move her head to greet me but her tail told the story. I leaned down and cradled her in my arms to move her to her extra big pillow. I laid beside her as the big spoon and told her all about my trip while I rubbed her belly. These days I liked to tell her the story of the day she chose us and we brought her home. She was rescued as a new puppy and spent three months in the SPCA before she tapped Dan on the back of his leg and looked at him with her big brown eyes and oversized ears. He carried her up and down the stairs for weeks because she was terrified of them but slowly she built her confidence and started to try on her own. She struggled with separation anxiety and would pee on the floor if I even left to get the mail; it was the first time I realized how similar we were...with the anxiety, not the peeing on the floor. Then a few years later she was diagnosed with a muscle disease but we did all the work and nursed her back to health knowing she would forever have to take a pill and being completely okay in that truth as long as she was comfortable. The last eighteen months hasn't be easy for myself and my family...and here she was laying drugged up to fend off the pain and has done nothing but console me through it all. I'm hoping I'm not too late...I owe her so much...

Writer on the Run XXX

I sat at the gate in LaGuardia and watched the times roll back with delayed signs for my flight knowing that if another ten minutes passed I would not make my connection in Toronto. I reflected back to my class and could see the eyes widening and jaws falling to the floor regarding my open marriage...I decided to not tell about the abuse...I refuse to give that another thought or minute of my life. It happened and I made it through; whatever happens in my life is to my credit or to my fault...but it is mine and all mine. It felt so good to light my life and watch the darkness disappear...I'm okay, actually I feel amazing. It's funny how you can fear the secrets and skeletons coming out but it only healed me. My truth makes others uncomfortable and I can understand and appreciate that because it held me prisoner for so long...but it's no longer my issue, it was a chapter in my life but will not make my book. The beauty of writing is that I decide what I put on paper so although you may read about my affairs in the Big Apple...there won't be a single word about the little girl I kept in the cage.

I waved to Ramone behind the counter, we have become airport friends. Looks like he got me on a different flight with an upgrade...life is amazing and the woman who started that run completely transformed after 26.2 miles. Chin up and eyes forward I have a life to get on with...

Writer on the Run XXIX

Three days later and I still winced every time I had to walk up or down stairs. I had my class tonight and would be leaving bright and early to catch my flight home...I feel like I have been gone for weeks. I'm nowhere near the NY speed for walking and in the Village it seems to be okay. My son made it home safely and was back in his dorm and on the field...I still miss him. I turned down second avenue to walk the last three blocks to my class...then four long flights of stairs up. It was worth it, this time next year and I should be close if not done my book. With every door I remove from my life I feel freer and less afraid...I have no secrets and I don't want any.

She buzzed me in and I stood at the base of the first step for a long pause...it's my turn to read. Not one of my peers knows my story but I'm no longer ashamed to tell it...I am a survivor of sexual abuse, I am not societies definition of a traditional wife and/or mother and I suffer from an anxiety disorder...my darkness no longer exists, it can't...

Writer on the Run XXVIII

I watched him walk down the steps to his train and this is hardly new for us...it was part of our lives for so long. The excitement when I see his face come around the corner for a visit and then the heart sinking feeling when he turns the same corner with a final wave. Seeing his face when I came around the corner in Central Park to finish out the last few hundred meters was everything I needed it to be. I finally walked away and down the long hallway like I was swimming against the salmon...I needed to get to Port Authority to catch my bus to Jersey...I hope Cleopatra isn't going to want a long walk tonight because it's not going to happen. Clarence is back at the firehouse so it's just her and I for a few days...