I Guess I'll Wait

I feel like I'm in a holding pattern and as much as I want to break away from it, it feels easier than anything else right now. My daughter continues to learn from home over her computer, Dan and I sold our other house and can finally move on without the neighbours we wish to leave behind. My son is completing his last year of university and lives on his own and I signed a contract for another book; although it's just as a contributing writer in some other woman's book. I've had to work hard to draw inspiration from the world around me and not the busy streets of Manhattan. Jet setting isn't even much of a thought at this point, no matter how many offers they squeeze into my inbox. We adopted a puppy, her name is Zero, she is a beautiful addition to the family with a big personality. 

Perhaps we're most excited to be able to celebrate the holidays at home without the trauma from three years ago. Extra lights, an extra tree and tinsel for as far as the eye can see...it feels like home again. 

Podcast

Back in January I was interviewed for a podcast. Last night they contacted me to say that at the time we recorded they didn't have a spot for my story...so they changed their podcast to expand it to tell my story. Today they released it and I am posting the link so you can check it out.  

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/ep-95-uncomfortable-conversations-open-marriage-breaking/id1405810085?i=1000490900420?i=1000490900420

Monogamy III

We're almost settled in the new house, I love it here. Tree lined backyard with only one neighbor and privacy we had only dreamed of. I'm writing another book and I have a partner...not just any partner either...he has been a best seller for decades. He left a review of "Crazy on the Inside" and sent me a copy of his book, a friendship stuck and a partnership evolved.

Our family has flourished during the pandemic, we have become stronger, closer and more resilient. My daughter lives freely, I never thought I'd see her screeching across the backyard in her barefeet while the dogs chase her. My son is less than a year away from graduating from university and I couldn't be happier for him. His life is about to take off and he has an incredible partner by his side, someone he loves and respects and we are excited for the day we can call her our daughter.

Lately, I've been working through renovations, writing and finding clever ways to travel safely. I haven't seen Joseph in almost five months and although I miss him a great deal I know I'll see him soon enough...even if we have to meet in Ireland.

Monogamy II

Shit is getting out of hand. We decided to pull the plug on the house and put it up for sale...I just cannot live next to these people anymore. Every day I look at the house or pass by the strangers I used to know, I feel sick, I feel stuck and I feel scared. We bought a country estate, we wanted the giant yard and privacy. I want to be able to sit on my back deck and not look into five other backyards, I want to be able to write and create freely and I cannot do that when the house next door haunts me. We close on the house in a couple of days and the day I get the keys for the next house will be my last night in this one...like finally finding my way out of the nightmare. That being said, my house is a sanctuary with the constant music, incense and family time, we've turned into hippies and there's no going back now.

The hardest part about this whole time has been not seeing my mother. She's 78 and there's no way I could even hug her right now. My daughter asks about her every day and we finally found an app where they could text, video chat, and play games together. I'm looking forward to having a big family Christmas for the first time in years.

Monogamy I

Six years ago we opened our marriage to live a fuller life, more experiences for ourselves and each other. We'd found our path, the key to our best life and marriage, life was good and everything seemed to ebb and flow perfectly.

I stopped traveling the middle of January, worried about the virus and terrified to bring it back as an unwelcome gift to my family. Life looks different around my house these days. With the lockdown I am now a teacher, a writer as well as a full time wife and mother...there is no jetting away for a week. I was worried, scared I would feel the walls close back in, scared I would never be able to handle the monotony of life in quarantine...I'm a bird, I have to fly.

As the world started to lock down Dan and I started to work even more closely together, any distance that was created over the six years of being in an open marriage had vanished...if it existed at all. Dan has this ability to make me feel fearless, how could I ever fail with him as my partner? He's confident and quite likely the most intelligent person I know. I look to him for comfort and he pours it over me, over all of us.

Our house has become a deserted island and I am thrilled with my company. We weren't sure how being sentenced to monogamy would affect us and our marriage but we were not expecting the waterfall of love and desire we have for one another to open the flood gates. We honeymoon nightly, movies and dancing, whisky tasting and hours of time in bed late at night and just as the sun comes up.

Sometimes it takes years to see the results of your work and when our results came in all of my anxiety and fear that had been living in my body for years slid away. Opening my marriage didn't weaken it, didn't even hurt it. The world finally slowed down so I could breathe and reflect on my life and my choices. I still chat with Joseph daily and intend to resume the other side of my life when the lockdown lifts, as does Dan. Our marriage has never been so strong, we take pride knowing it stands on its own.

Now What? V

I wish I had a lot to tell you but honestly, I spend all my time marketing my book and volunteering at the school. Dan is getting ready to head to SE Asia for a month and I've decided to stay home for a few months and just enjoy all the work I put into the book...and I do feel really burnt out from airports and security, delays and all that good stuff.

My son finally met a girl, she is absolutely lovely. They remind me of Dan and me and it makes me smile and look back over the last sixteen years...what an incredible journey we have taken and I couldn't love Dan more. I think they are in love and I imagine she will soon be a fixture in my home...one that I am more than happy to have. Isn't that what we all want, our children to be happy and with people they love and that love them?

Now What? IV

I've started booking signings for my book and even scheduled a meet and greet with a book club that chose mine for one of their reads. I still feel exhausted from the writing process and find it difficult to stay motivated on the marketing front. This coming weekend I intend to produce as many social media pages as possible to get the word out. I ordered and received my banner as well as hundreds of bookmarks to hand out at signings and it still takes my breath away when I see my book cover. The process is slow but so was the writing...all in good time.

Now that the holidays have come and gone I'm hoping to start a new routine for myself. A week of traveling with the family to Houston and New Orleans followed by a week with Joseph in Vegas has filled me with inspiration and stories I can hardly wait to tell.