I Guess I'll Wait IV

Fiona had her first ski lesson this week, she's a natural. It was like she had always known how to ski, Dan and I had no idea she would take to it so quickly. So, we're heading back to the slopes in a few weeks and taking her to the big hills. We all managed to fall in love with the outdoors this year and have decided to buy a canoe in the spring for the river by the house. 

Not everything has been easy, Jospeh and I are coming up on a year since we've seen one another and it's starting to feel exceptionally difficult. We seem to argue more than usual, except I stopped engaging all together knowing I would only add to a hopeless frustration. I miss him, I miss his children and his neighbourhood and his company. 

Things have changed so much in the past year that the people I haven't kept in touch with would no longer recognize me, I'm no longer the same person. I don't even look the same, the weight fell off when we first locked down and from there I continued to self love and care and through that I find the best balance of my life. Dan and I we are going to travel more together once we are safe to travel abroad and until then we love having adventures through Canada. 

I Guess I'll Wait III

I started writing another new book about a month ago, I hired a new editor and coach and kept my artist. I'm excited to be writing non-fiction again, it just feels right when I pour my thoughts, heart and soul onto paper. This book compliments my memoir and we're getting it done quite quickly; I can't imagine spending several more years writing another book but this feels easy and natural. 

Fiona is doing fairly well with online learning but I'm excited for when she can go back to school safely with her friends. Bailey and his girlfriend are getting ready to graduate from university in May, and everything just keeps getting better and better. I learned to ski a couple of weeks ago in Sunshine and Lake Louise and booked Fiona for five weeks of lessons; we have way too much winter to not love all of the winter sports so, we got lessons and I fell in love with it instantly. 

The hardest part has been not being able to be around my mother, we barely see her because she's high risk. Fiona spends as much time as she can with her nana just for a change of company and scenery...I don't know how we would have gotten through this far without her. Karen, Fiona's nana, has been the grandparents, friend and part time teacher when Fiona needs a break or just wants to be spoiled. 

Dan released another album this month and it is exceptional, I was amazed at how much they have worked together to have this polished piece of work that is outstanding and ready for radio. It's been a crazy year but my house and family have flourished and we have huge news coming down the pipes in the coming months...I wonder where life will take us...

I Guess I'll Wait II

 Life is great, even in lockdown and teaching grade 3 from home...life is great. I started writing fiction, I feel like I need and want to write but haven't been able to get inspired into a Life During Lockdown book so I ventured over to the other side to let my imagination run free. It's fun, each day I write a few hundred words and slowly build a story hopefully someone else would want to read. 

The light at the end of the pandemic seems to be brightening and I'm hoping for life to return somewhat semi-normally where we can travel and get back to seeing our friends and family...near and far. Dan and I have discussed re-opening our marriage post-pandemic and it's something we intend to do. It's comforting to know I married the person I would want to be on a deserted island with. I was a touch worried when everything shut down and NY was no longer an option. Wondering if I was going to be able to be confined in marriage and life without diving into depression...I flourished in every way possible. Our house collectively became stronger and better versions of who we were. I listened to Dan's new album last night, they keep getting better and better, I'm so proud of him and grateful he can live his passions. 

New York still feels like a life time away but I hope to get back right after my vaccine. I miss Joseph a lot and it hasn't been exactly smooth but I hope there's some place we can find a way back to one another. Until then....I'll be right here teaching grade 3 and writing...

I Guess I'll Wait

I feel like I'm in a holding pattern and as much as I want to break away from it, it feels easier than anything else right now. My daughter continues to learn from home over her computer, Dan and I sold our other house and can finally move on without the neighbours we wish to leave behind. My son is completing his last year of university and lives on his own and I signed a contract for another book; although it's just as a contributing writer in some other woman's book. I've had to work hard to draw inspiration from the world around me and not the busy streets of Manhattan. Jet setting isn't even much of a thought at this point, no matter how many offers they squeeze into my inbox. We adopted a puppy, her name is Zero, she is a beautiful addition to the family with a big personality. 

Perhaps we're most excited to be able to celebrate the holidays at home without the trauma from three years ago. Extra lights, an extra tree and tinsel for as far as the eye can see...it feels like home again. 

Podcast

Back in January I was interviewed for a podcast. Last night they contacted me to say that at the time we recorded they didn't have a spot for my story...so they changed their podcast to expand it to tell my story. Today they released it and I am posting the link so you can check it out.  

https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/ep-95-uncomfortable-conversations-open-marriage-breaking/id1405810085?i=1000490900420?i=1000490900420

Monogamy III

We're almost settled in the new house, I love it here. Tree lined backyard with only one neighbor and privacy we had only dreamed of. I'm writing another book and I have a partner...not just any partner either...he has been a best seller for decades. He left a review of "Crazy on the Inside" and sent me a copy of his book, a friendship stuck and a partnership evolved.

Our family has flourished during the pandemic, we have become stronger, closer and more resilient. My daughter lives freely, I never thought I'd see her screeching across the backyard in her barefeet while the dogs chase her. My son is less than a year away from graduating from university and I couldn't be happier for him. His life is about to take off and he has an incredible partner by his side, someone he loves and respects and we are excited for the day we can call her our daughter.

Lately, I've been working through renovations, writing and finding clever ways to travel safely. I haven't seen Joseph in almost five months and although I miss him a great deal I know I'll see him soon enough...even if we have to meet in Ireland.

Monogamy II

Shit is getting out of hand. We decided to pull the plug on the house and put it up for sale...I just cannot live next to these people anymore. Every day I look at the house or pass by the strangers I used to know, I feel sick, I feel stuck and I feel scared. We bought a country estate, we wanted the giant yard and privacy. I want to be able to sit on my back deck and not look into five other backyards, I want to be able to write and create freely and I cannot do that when the house next door haunts me. We close on the house in a couple of days and the day I get the keys for the next house will be my last night in this one...like finally finding my way out of the nightmare. That being said, my house is a sanctuary with the constant music, incense and family time, we've turned into hippies and there's no going back now.

The hardest part about this whole time has been not seeing my mother. She's 78 and there's no way I could even hug her right now. My daughter asks about her every day and we finally found an app where they could text, video chat, and play games together. I'm looking forward to having a big family Christmas for the first time in years.