Still Lost VII

I woke feeling like I did every Sunday morning at Leann's.  I could hear Dan walking around and going through our luggage, "what are you looking for?"  He didn't even turn around, "I need Advil and my shorts".  I told him to check my toiletries bag and rolled back over.  I could hear him shake the bottle of pills and turn on the water, "do you want a couple?"  I think I grumbled something that resembled a "yes" but even I couldn't tell.  He tapped me on the shoulder and fed me the Advil.  "I'm going swimming for a bit".  Oh my god, I'm pretty sure I'm still intoxicated and he's going into the ocean.  "Will you please grab coffee on your way back?"  I heard the door close and I'm going to pray very hard that he heard me.

Last night was the most fun we have had together in a long time.  We pub crawled the entire boardwalk and made our way to the main strip, it reminded me of when we first met.  I almost forgot how funny and interesting my own husband was; he may be the greatest company I have ever had.  He is considerate, exciting, hilarious, intelligent, handsome and a complete gentleman to me even after eight years.  Dan never once brought up our marriage last night or my struggles or sadness, he just let go with me; I need a friend more than a husband right now and he just easily makes the adjustment.  I wish I could be more to him; I wish I was more like him, balanced, untouched and genuinely happy.  I just need to find the better version of myself.

I finally got out of bed and laid in the shower, we were going to try and find the Hollywood sign and do some shopping today.  I could hear Dan come back I had a sinking feeling because he deserves better and when you know better you do better...but what if I don't know how?  I grab my bath robe and meet him in the kitchen area; I was happy to see him and coffee.  I looked over to see my phone was lighting up; my stomach started to turn because I immediately thought of John.  I didn't even bother to check, I have to concentrate on Dan and he deserves everything I have left.