The Phoenix II

I have no idea how people can live the routine of day to day life and not feel like a hamster on a wheel going absolutely no where.  I couldn't be that woman, not if I want to be happy too.  There is no way I am the only one, I can't be and I know that when I think of my mother.  I love going to the park with my daughter and hanging out and talking football with my son and playing drunk scrabble with Dan...but it is not enough.  I think I just need more of me and my wants and I think I may have found the perfect balance.  Having my own life is vital for my emotional health and I love being 'that woman'.  I am building a life in NY and every trip I feel more and more at home and less like a tourist.  I'm not taking away from my family, maybe they don't see me everyday but when I am home they have every minute of my attention and I am so happy and involved.  Sometimes I still slide back and question my decisions and choices but I know that following traditions I don't believe in is silly...for me anyway.  My darkness is locked away but sometimes I visit it in the cage just to stare it down but also as a humble reminder of the time lost...it feels great to let the little girl into the sunshine...