New Eyes...Same World XVII

I texted him to let him know that we were in the restaurant and had already ordered food...I'm about fifty percent certain he won't spit in my food. It wasn't anxiety anymore that was eating away at me it was sadness for not stepping up to the plate when he needed me to. I'd finally come to terms with the damage being done and worked on my apology which, did not contain any excuses at all. I sat with my back against the wall and faced my mother, I wanted to see him approaching the table and not be caught of guard...it's easier to be prepared then surprised. 

Our food arrived and I could see him making his way over to the table. I picked up my purse and moved it to the other side of me so he could sit down. He looked great but a little tired, he smiled when we finally made eye contact and it made my eyes well up with tears...I missed him so much. He sat down beside me and made small talk which only hurt my heart. Small talk was the worst because it was so impersonal and I was almost offended that it had got to this place. I put my arm around his shoulder and hugged him tightly, I loved being close to him; I relaxed when I could feel his embrace. I didn't care that my mother was right across from us, we were all so close that we didn't really have room for secrets. I smiled through my tears and finally brought myself to throw up the words, "I was wrong and I'm sorry I hurt you." He nodded and never said a word, I did what i could and now it's in his court and all I can do now is give him space and time. Sometimes the only thing you can do is say sorry, it's not about why I reacted or why he chose to quit...in this exact moment it was only about correcting my mistake...the rest is irrelevant until he decides if he ever wants that to change.