The Darkness VI

I watched Mike get into the shuttle to the airport and the flood of anxiety that was quickly turning to panic sent me into the ally to throw up my coffee.  I have no idea if I am feeling his anxiety or my own but it is like nothing I have ever felt before.  The feeling of loss is too overwhelming for me and although we didn't put a seal on anything I know that Mike and I will never be the same together.  I wonder if this is how his darkness deals with those who try to help; his demons have all the control and I have my own war to fight...I'll start letting go...I hope.


I wiped my mouth and wished Mike, the cop, was here to hand me some water, I felt a longing for his friendship and the thought of him made me teary.  I started to make my way back to the hotel to have breakfast with my brothers; Trevor was leaving in just over an hour and I wanted to get lost in their lives.  It's amazing how many people I have around me that would gladly take my pain, light my light and carry me to happiness or even contentment and yet it feels like I am always alone.  I imagine they look at me the way I do the little girl in the cage; they can see me and my potential and they try to coax me out but have no real understanding of why I can't take that step...Mike knows why. 


I spotted them sitting in a booth in the corner and the sight of Trevor's suitcase made me want to burst into tears...I don't want him to leave, not yet.  I sat down and ordered my second coffee of the day although I'm not sure the first one counts now that it's in a back ally.  I tried to focus on the conversation but I struggled with the fact that he was about to leave.  Something is happening that I can't explain and I am losing control and falling...it's going to be a dark day...