Baby Steps XVII

I stared at my phone hoping it was somehow an old text but knowing that was not the case.  I thought about texting Mike and then decided against it.  It's been a long time since I spoke with him and didn't feel it appropriate to use our friendship as a way to gather information, besides he would know.  I typed several things to John and couldn't send it, afraid of what would happen if I did.  I wasn't prepared for this and definitely not prepared to ever talk with him again let alone see him.  I thought of strategies, lies and stories I could use and in the end...I'm not really interested anymore.  Maybe I'll see him in an airport during a layover and maybe I won't and I can't control that...but lunch will not happen.  I like my odds...I deleted him again and climbed back into bed, it's my last night in Ottawa and I'm going to go out with the group date.