Another Good-Bye VII

I leaned against what I can only assume was a urine soaked wall and took a deep breath. My son has worked most of his life to get to the point of where he is...countless hours of training, nutrition, try outs and travel so excuse me if I'm a touch dramatic when he tells me that he does't love football anymore. Here he is across the country living his dream...a dream he no longer wanted to take part in...but why? I needed a reason, there had to be something that was pushing him in this direction. Was it the coaching...again, maybe the team, homesick? I had driven countless miles and hours on the highway between he and I and was not about to accept "because" as the answer for why his dream was no longer relevant to him. How can I make a good decision or tell him anything when I can't even string together a thought and when I finally could my mind immediately went to negative scenarios of him being in trouble or mixed up with he wrong people. I wanted to be rational and supportive...I really did but first I needed to settle down and think about this in it's entirety so I asked him to give him a day or so to collect my thoughts. I love him so much...something is going on and I need to know what that is. I swear to Christ if one other coach fucks him over I will lose my marbles. I hung up the phone and tried to cry to relieve my sadness but I couldn't even do that.

I crossed the street and headed for the restaurant...poor Josh is about to have the worst dinner date