Mastering the Mundane XVII

I spent most of the night looking back over my life and sobbing for the stages of my life that I never cared for myself.  It makes me wish I could hold that little girl and protect her from the world as if that little girl isn't even me.  I feel like I have completely detached and wonder if it's a coping mechanism to be able to move forward...being lost in the darkness is like living death and perhaps I had to leave her there to save myself.  It only makes me cry harder knowing that I abandoned her and only now am I trying my best to coax her out of that cage like she's an abused animal.  Mike has threw up his life to me and I know we share so much and I don't think he realizes how similar our childhood actually was.  He has no idea how extraordinary he truly is; no one ever told him they are proud of him or that he has turned into this amazing self made man.  Sometimes when I speak with Mike he sounds happy and whole but even I know that it is short lived because he lacks the support to keep his head up...it's not long before he starts to remember that he is insignificant and pours himself a drink.  John was able to make me feel on fire, but Mike comforts the little girl I ache for.

Two days until I touch down at LaGuardia and two more after that till I get to Atlantic City.  There is a comfort I have with Mike and I am already dreading having to leave AC.  I rolled over and watched Dan sleep for a few minutes and for the first time since my journey began I honestly wondered if we were going to make it through.