Full Circle XII

I could feel the warm tears stream down my face and could barely feel his lips touch mine. Why would I put myself into this situation? At this point I imagine that holding on to something for this long...like a thought or memory can make me try and follow through on what I believed it would look like...but that vision no longer exists and the only version I am comfortable with anymore is one where we are friends. But could I be friends with him after everything? I've told this man to fuck off so many times whether it be in my head, over text, emailed or out right in the parking lot of the RCMP. I've cursed him, cried and finally walked away and convinced myself that he could never bring anything good to my life. I can leave and wish him well and even believe it and want happiness for him because I'm laying here with his whiskey soaked tongue in my mouth and his hands trying to get under all of my layers of clothes and other than sadness for him...I feel nothing. Darkness cannot survive in the light and as long as he chooses to live in the dark then there is no place for our friendship in his life.

I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my cardigan and sat up...thank god this didn't happen when I was sitting in my own dark corners. I did up the buttons on my sweater and located my boots...