Full Circle III

I was standing in the middle of a Starbucks waiting for my Americano and trying to forget that I was picking him up in twenty minutes. My plan was to text him when I arrived so he could come out and we would go to a pub just down the street for a drink and hopefully cut out the childish play and become real friends. That was my plan, unfortunately I need him to play along and that was a different ball game all together. This man would look you straight in the face and tell you the sky is green and believe it himself if it meant going against my view that the sky is blue. Somedays it bothered me and could bring me to tears and others it fuelled me and made me feel incredible...but that's how drugs work. I want to thank him, to apologize to him and to hug him and tell him everything he meant to me and my journey. There were times I wanted to hate him and thought I might but in reality he helped me work out all the kinks and throw out all of the false beliefs about sex, affairs and life in general. In my most vulnerable time he may have had the power to lure me away from my family and he never even entertained the idea. He always kept me at arms length and respected my home life and knew the emotional struggle I was having in trying to rectify in my head that love doesn't need to be present in order to have casual sex. I guess I wasn't mentally prepared nor did I have a clear understanding of what an open marriage entailed in terms of extra marital relationships. John may have been cold and frustrating throughout the past two years but it in hind sight it was so important to help me make the transition. I don't hate him at all, thank goodness he was realistic in my limitations...especially when I could not even think of them...

I pulled up to the front doors and texted him...my anxiety made me giggle as I watched the elevator doors in the lobby open..