Full Circle VI

I heard the door open to the washroom and almost dropped my drink, I must have zoned out into my thoughts...but for the life of me I cannot recall what I was thinking. He looked the exact same as when I left him and it made me smile to see him again, although he looked like garbage. I imagine the long days of training followed by late nights of drinking, likely alone, takes a toll on one's body and it was showing. It didn't matter though, I wasn't here for anything in particular and now that he actually showed up I could easily walk out the door. It's funny how the mind works or maybe I have become so stubborn that I cannot just let shit go and need the endings...no matter how they play out.

He walked over and topped my cup up with more whiskey and I pretended not to care since there was no way I would be finishing it. He sat on the bed and gathered his shoes while we made small talk and took another run at our banter. The difference is that now I don't feel the strong attraction that used to leave me in tears hoping he would just open up, now I just feel a little sad but not that I pity him...more that I wish he would do the work to be free from his past and demons. He really is a good man, I can see that in him but he chooses to live in a prison and stay numb through booze. It was easy to catch up with someone who never shares information. I could feel him staring at me out of the corner of his eye and suddenly my face started to feel warm and I imagine I was fully blushing hoping he wouldn't notice with the bad lighting. I turned to flash him my best smile and found him lost in thought...I wish I never came. Sometimes it is just better to leave things unresolved and put your own ending to the story, I hate that I am learning this lesson now. I reached over and touched my cup to his..."cheers". He looked up and laughed at me, "you're a dork". I flipped him off and went back to my drink. I felt more like an asshole than a dork...