Another Good-Bye XV

We hugged on the way out the doors and she headed for her subway while I walked towards Columbus Circle playing a conversation in my head that hadn't even happened yet. I was going home in two days and I needed to talk to my son now because he is close enough that if needed then I could make the trip up to Montreal to be with him. He must have had the same idea, my phone was vibrating and I had already missed a call. "Mom, we need to talk about this." My heart sank and I wanted to run back to the times where he was little and I could fix it all, but I can't fix this and I feel forced into supporting a decision I feel is harsh and not very well thought out. "Okay, tell me why you want to leave football." I could hear him sigh heavily and felt him collect himself because he knows he has to sell this to me. Together we put in a lot of time and money into this dream and now he wants to walk away...but he should be allowed...right? So then why the fuck am I so angry. I guess I believed that someone was pushing him, a coach was bullying him or he was home sick...how can passion and drive fall by the wayside? "I just don't love it anymore mom. Before I would be the first one on the field and the last one off and now when they say to take extra reps I hate it." The sounds of the city seemed louder during this phone call and I couldn't focus. "How long has this been an issue? Is someone bothering you? Is it a girl? Are you leaving for a girl?" I knew he would be pissed off but I deserved answers and I wanted them, and I wanted them to be clear and have substance. Maybe he's just tired, I don't want him to walk away without being sure and on the other side I don't want him to stay because he feels he owes me that. Disinterest on the field leaves you open to injury and I never want that. "No mom, this is my decision and is not influenced by anyone else." It was almost as if I would not accept that information as real or truthful. I started to sweat and panic...