Another Good-Bye XX

I met him at the bottom of the stairs to Clarence's apartment and showed him where to park his car for the next couple of days. The tension was almost too much so I decided to take him to Hoboken and get some pizza at Grimaldi's...hoping it's as good as the original. Thank goodness it was only a few minutes of small talk, I cant stand small talk and find it almost insulting; if we can't find much to talk about...what's the point.

The hostess seated us in an oversized booth and I ordered immediately. He looked tired, more exhausted and just stared into space...like he was looking right through me. Slowly we started to rip the band aid off of the issue that has been haunting me for the past few days, and him for likely the better part of his semester. I love his face and heart so much, I can easily remember him as my baby and small child. He was always the best part of my days and now I've become one of the worst for him...but it's time to drop the football and just accept whatever his decisions are. I have spent the better part of his life preaching that he is the pilot to his own life so now it's time to stand behind my words and a belief I still hold.

The whole thing lasted less than ten minutes...tears flowed, anger rose and questions were asked that he refused to answer. I felt like I was asked to accept something without any reason...but how can I do that when he is leaving his dream? How do I just say 'okay, no problem 12 years isn't that long anyway'? My frustration was no longer around football, it was around his vague answers and blank stares...what happened to my son? I asked myself the whole way back while begging him not to leave...