Another Good-Bye XVII

I may as well have eaten alone, or maybe he should have because I was not very good company. I could barely eat thinking about my son and then having to leave tomorrow to head back for my ten year wedding anniversary, which is a weird thought as I'm eating sushi with this man in Manhattan. I was brought out of my thoughts and back to the table when he used his chop sticks to tap on the side of my plate, "are you okay?" Obviously I'm not okay but didn't want to unload all of my new anxieties onto this poor man who was just looking for dinner company. "Yeah just a bit distracted with everything I need to do before I leave for home tomorrow." I gave him what I can only imagine was a half ugly smile full of anxiety and nausea. He continued to talk about going to his country house in Connecticut and I could not even pretend to be interested in anything that was coming out of his mouth. I just kept thinking I should go and try to talk to my son face to face but it was all done, he even told his coach and left his classes...the anger rose in me again, I started shaking and tried to hide my dry heaving...why does it feel like I am the one losing so much?