A Love, A Loss, and Peace XIV

For three days I watched the clean up crews invade the house on my block, I watched the moving vans come in and load up a house full of furniture and I watched as my community stood in shock wondering how this happened. We knew the family well; wonderful people raising their family and just trying to have a good life...not unlike the rest of us. I don't know exactly what happened, its none of my business.

I went to the hospital to offer support for the family and was able to say good bye before they harvested him to save fourteen others.

The  devastation changed me, I can feel it. Life views more like a movie now that I'm watching, not able to participate with no real interest in diving back in.

We leave for Los Angeles in a couple of days and I'm clawing at the walls to run away...I don't want to come back...

A Love, A Loss, and Peace XIII

It was nearly seven hours later that we were watching, while crouched down in the upstairs spare room, a robot come down our eerily quiet street with a group of officers just behind. This is it, they're going in, one way or another...that person's coming out. It felt like an instant from the team walking by my house to the ambulance being almost right in front of it. I held my breath, afraid to vomit.

Two minutes later and everyone was back to their regularly scheduled Christmas dinner, everything was cleaned up with little sign of disturbance, I almost wish I just stayed in the basement. I have no answers, I need answers...what happened? Karen called me out of my thoughts from the front door; the block was on lock down for the past eight hours so she wasn't able to get to her family Christmas after exchanging gifts with us. Dan, Karen and I stood at the front door staring at each other, trying to talk but still in shock. I hugged her after she got her coat on, she was heading to her daughter's house for the night, I was glad she wouldn't be alone. 

The magic of Christmas died for me that day. I called my father. 

A Love, A Loss, and Peace XII

We opened our gifts that Santa brought, we ate breakfast among the scraps of wrapping paper and we made calls to our friends and family. Dan had the turkey in the oven by 2pm and Karen was over visiting with my daughter and exchanging gifts while playing with all of her new toys. I finished the last of my coffee when a loud banging from the front door startled me. A police officer came through my door before I could get to it and yelled at me to get my family in the basement...a neighbour was locked in their home firing shots off with a gun. I nearly puked, my vision went blurry and my mind...stopped, I couldn't think. I stood in front of him, blank in thoughts and movement, until Dan came around the corner and assured him we would all go downstairs.

Within seconds we were all in the basement starring at each other, hoping I would have some spectacular lie to tell my daughter but fell short of all words. Dan took her aside and told her something...I still have no idea what it was. I backed into a corner and slid down the wall while tears slid down my cheeks, Christmas and the holiday's aren't easy for everyone and I wish it wasn't too late to invite their family over. I could see the flashes of light pouring through our basement windows from the emergency vehicles while listening to my daughter giggle in the background...I'm numb.

A Love, A Loss, and Peace XI

My contract followed me two days after I arrived and I couldn't fill it out fast enough. At some point when you believe it...it happens. I spent weeks waiting for edits, wondering when the next phase was going to start and trying my best to stay in my own business and not pay attention to my neighbours. It was difficult to be home at times but I was focusing on my family, my other life and anything that didn't let me get pulled into whatever was going on. I missed my friends dearly and wanted to go back to the way things used to be but that's a hope without wings.

It was easy to stay away once winter hit...prairie winters are unforgiving and relentless so most days are indoor days to avoid the instant frost bite of stepping out to watch your dog pee.

And then one day...just like that...they moved away...