A Love, A Loss and Peace X

Joseph had me twenty minutes early so I could grab a coffee and settle my nerves before my interview. I know they said they would love to represent my book but that book is attached to me and this is an interview. They showed up together, grabbed a drink and joined me...I was vibrating with excitement. I assumed it would take an hour, possibly two but never would have guessed five. My new editor and agent only stayed about an hour, long enough for her to tell me she loved my writing and wanted to help me flush out my manuscript for a tighter, fresher read...I like her. My other agent and president of the agency stayed long after and together we got to know one another and our respective stories. She's lovely, they both are. They are strong, powerful, intelligent women who want to give me a platform and support my writing career because they like my voice and see a need for it in the literary world...I'm humbled.

I watched her leave the tiny coffee shop in a small town in Connecticut. I exhaled and choked back my tears...over two years in the hunt for an agent and over three writing this one manuscript. A wave of exhaustion hit me hard when I walked into the fresh air, I spotted his truck across the parking lot and made my way over...the years of stress slid away I fell asleep in the passenger side and let it all go...

A Love, A Loss and Peace IX

I don't know if you know this about me but I'm not exactly a patient person and even less so after years of writing, editing, rewriting and querying agents on a full time basis...I want my contract. I booked my flight within two days and coordinated with Joseph for a ride into Connecticut to meet my agents...yeah, I got two. The owner of the agency liked the pitch as did her editor and together they are taking a chance on my manuscript...my story. I remember getting rejection letter after rejection letter and telling myself it was okay, I didn't want someone to represent my book just because they could sell it I wanted someone who believed in my story, connected to the deepest meaning of it and would represent myself as well as my story in the best possible way.

I wrote my coach and filled her in, she was over the moon for me...for both of us. Gay and I worked together for years going back and forth on my manuscript, countless hours editing and revising, all the classes and phone calls and it was all coming full to circle and my work was speaking for itself. I thought about my letter of resignation and exhaled knowing that I made the right choice in letting it go because I'm not a parole officer, not really anyway...I'm a writer on her way to becoming an author.

I boarded my flight a little more eagerly than usual...what did you expect? I'll be in Queens by dinner time and in my meeting by noon the next day. I closed my eyes and thought about every time I heard how difficult this is going to be, and it is, maybe the most difficult thing I have ever done for myself; but the feeling I got when I opened that email was a reward like no other...I wonder what happens now...

A Love, A Loss, and Peace VIII

It felt good to be home, we hadn't slept in our beds, played with our dogs or even enjoyed our own things for several weeks so when we walked through the door a wave of emotion hit me. I love my home, it is my favourite place most days, well it was before I left and I hope I feel like that again soon. I sit at my kitchen table surrounded by windows and open skies...it's my favourite place to write. She ran around and took inventory on all of her things then went to her room for the rest of the day, she missed her stuffed toys and bedroom more than I would have wanted.

It was only about a week after we arrived home that she started kindergarten and together I helped her make the leap to a new school, the 'big school' as she calls it. Three weeks after school started I resigned from my position of contract parole officer; I wanted my writing to improve and to write more for me and less for others. Believe it or not, after writing about 20-30 reports for the parole board a month it doesn't leave much desire to write more...I needed my creativity all of the time and writing parole reports was robbing me of that. I resigned. Effective immediately.

I started to pour more and more into my writing and into querying literary agents. I had been looking for an agent for the past couple of years to help me sell my book. Two weeks after I left my position of contract parole officer I received an email that I read over and over, "We would love to represent your book". I cried, I laughed, I exhaled and I cried some more. You know, I had over 200 rejections over the past couple of years and never once did I feel like I wasn't going to land an agent. Maybe I was too naive or just down right committed to doing this come hell or high water, I don't think it matters either way.

A Love, A Loss and Peace VII

We didn't go directly home, my niece was getting married so we stopped for a few days with family and celebrated her day...it was wonderful and the perfect distraction. We caught up with family we hadn't seen in years and connected with new friends we just met all while my daughter feasted on the unlimited candy bar. We listened to the speeches that didn't really mean much to us since we didn't know many people but still, it was nice to get swept away in her day. I love my niece, she's sincere, funny and kind...she is goodness.

The next day I made that same old drive I used to make years ago when I spent my time heading to Leanne's every weekend...remember? I thought about Mike and John and it made me smile...it seemed forever ago. I turned left at the junction and drove past the coffee shop, then blinked and I was out the other side of the tiny town. I opened the sunroof, turned up the music and drove down memory lane...all the way home...

A Love, A Loss, and Peace VI

We looked around the apartment one more time, under beds and behind dressers then locked the door behind us. I was scared but couldn't show it, she was excited and unaware of the change that awaited us both. My heart was beating out of my chest by the time the cab picked us up to take us to LaGuardia. I thought a lot about how things were going to be incredibly different when we arrived home and spent many nights laying awake wondering how I was going to explain to my little girl how her two best friends no longer live beside us, couldn't say good bye and won't be back...I felt crushed for her. She starts a new school for kindergarten and I know it will only add to her growing fears as a little person in the big world...I would give anything to take her sadness.

We found a couple seats by our gate and shared a banana while she drank her orange juice and I sipped on hot, black coffee. Almost three whole months after leaving home and we are finally going back...to god knows what....