The Longest Summer XXI

I checked in on my daughter and Karen who were sleeping diagonal on the bed. I closed the blinds and covered them up then closed the door behind me as I tipped toed back into the living room. I was starting to pace and couldn't just relax. New York has this affect on me as well, when I'm here if I'm not moving around and taking the city then I feel like I'm wasting time. It's a silly thought and I try not to get wrapped up in it but when I take another look out the curtains to see people still filling the streets and ducking into pubs and restaurants I know I want to be part of it. I brushed my teeth, threw on fresh clothes and found some flats. I grabbed a pen out of my purse to leave a note for Karen then decided to wake her up instead incase anything happened or she missed the note.

I closed the door as quietly as I could behind me and found myself back at the top of the stairs...damn it! I almost forgot about the climb home.

I stepped out into the city and the air still felt thick and heavy with the humidity but I didn't care. I turned left down Columbus and felt the familiar bounce in my step that arises every now and again when I'm in the city.

The Longest Summer XX

It only took about twenty minutes after I went ghost on the site for Stephen to stop texting me. This man is unreal, he is beautiful, rich, successful, highly intelligent, single and close by but what he wants I can't deliver on. I swiped a few more times and Richard popped up, another of Manhattan's eligible men who has several amazing qualities but just never seemed exciting enough for me to want to go out with. One time I went over to his place, which is an enormous brownstone on the upper west side, to share a bottle of wine. I had never tasted an eight hundred dollar bottle of wine and to be honest...I couldn't tell the difference, although I can easily pick out bad wine. I swiped left and watched him pop up a couple more times...either Tinder is glitches or he pays to have as many swipes as possible and either way I am always swiping left. My phone was vibrating in my hands as text messages were popping up across my screen. As big as New York City is, the dating world is quite small so once I loaded up my Tinder account all of my old acquaintances could see that I was back in town.

The Longest Summer XIX

My daughter fell asleep within half an hour of getting out of the bath and Karen was well on her way, I could hear her wake herself in-between snores. I moved my daughter in beside Karen and turned off the light. I wasn't nearly as tired as I thought I would be so I grabbed my computer and curled up on the couch with some Netflix. Over two years later and online dating sites are still my favourite way to kill time and potentially run into old acquaintances and possibly meet new ones.

It really can feel like an old reunion of those who either can't find a date, don't want a partner and then the rest of us that want casual sex without any sort of commitment beyond mutual respect and the understanding that sex doesn't lead to anything other than an orgasm if done right. I revised my Tinder account and switched a couple of pictures around and was swiping in a matter of thirty seconds. Stephen showed up on my screen within a few minutes...I swiped left. This man is a mess of emotions and confusion that I have been trying to avoid for almost a solid year. We started talking when we mutually swiped right; he is a corporate lawyer on Wall Street who is looking to find the perfect friend or partner to help him discover and explore his sexuality...sounded perfect. But Stephen is quite deceitful and that has kept me from entertaining any thoughts of actually meeting him let alone an actual date. Stephen has a secret fetish...

The Longest Summer XVIII

By the time we reached the top of the stairs I was completely done with the day and ready to watch a movie and drift off to sleep. I ran a cool bath for my daughter, turned on the television and put some groceries away. I bought a few things for us to eat in the mornings to avoid the dreaded coffee and muffin run complete now with 250 stairs round trip. I tossed Karen a bottle of water and helped my daughter into her bath...I silently patted myself on the back for remembering to bring her bath toys. I sat in the kitchen at the tiny table and surfed the web while keeping an eye on her in the bath. I was looking for a scooter for her so it would be easier to get around the UWS and park during the days. She walks a lot to keep up with us and her little legs get so tired and I can only carry her so far and for so long.

I grabbed the wine I bought and a beautiful crystal goblet from the cabinet before I realized it was a corked bottle and not just a cap. I scoured the kitchen looking for a corkscrew but came up empty handed...how badly do I want a glass of wine? Turns out it was not bad enough to walk down the steps and to a bodega to find one. I reserved a scooter for tomorrow at the Toys R Us in the Manhattan Mall then closed my computer and started unpacking...

The Longest Summer XVII

The sun was still beaming down relentlessly and the humidity was unforgiving. I tried to wear clothes that were light and airy but it doesn't really matter when standing in one place still makes you break into a sweat. We decided to walk around the neighbourhood to find a deli or restaurant before we spent the evening in the park. The sidewalks were full of children and their nannies or parent milling about and riding their scooters...I don't think children in Manhattan have bicycles.

We found a pizza bar with amazing salads and decided to stop in and get dinner over with so we could wonder the park until dark. I grabbed a seat right by the air conditioner and sunk into my seat, the humidity always drains me. I could see the sea of people passing by the window while we waited for our drinks and it always feels like home...I think I have Location Identity Crisis...I was meant to be a New Yorker but somehow got lost along the way.

The Longest Summer XVI

A five story walk up...wtf was I thinking? My daughter was complaining by the time we reached the top of the first flight, which was twenty three stairs. I looked back to find Karen pulling her suitcase up the last few steps while I held the carry ons and cheered my daughter on, hoping I wouldn't have to throw her on my back. I was in a full sweat by the time we reached the door to the apartment and knew immediately that I would be strategic as to when I would leave to grab food or coffee. I couldn't imagine having to move into or out of one of these condos with no elevator...I would either lower my shit out the window or start fresh with all new furniture. I thought about the movies when they are lowering the piano out of the window and I finally understand.

We dropped the luggage on the living room floor and the three of us flopped down on the couch. I could hear my stomach growling and tried to remember the last time we all ate, I could put my appetite away to relax but a certain three year old may not agree. I turned on Netflix to distract her for twenty minutes while I unpacked, showered and caught my breath...I run the marathon again in a few months and clearly getting my ass kicked by five flights of stairs proves how little I have trained.

We all stood at the top of the stairs looking down the centre and contemplating how hungry and hot we were. My daughter placed her hand in mine and stepped down the first step...

The Longest Summer XV

We arrived just after 4pm and were waiting for our luggage as the rush hour traffic was building. This is where my anxiety runs away with me and I have trouble trying to remain unbothered. I have to grab the luggage, buy three seats for the shuttle and make sure I have it done before this bus leaves otherwise I have another 40 min wait and I just cannot do that with a three year old and my anxiety is well aware of that. Our place is on the west side and I'm doing the math in my head regarding best transportation, cost and number of hours on the bus looking at the city but never really moving because you have to go through midtown...or...I take a cab and and head over the bridge where we can cut through the park.

I watched the shuttle bus pull away as I placed our last piece of luggage on the cart. Typically it would have left me feeling deflated but I was pretty happy to not sit on the bus when for about the same amount we can be in our flat and unpacked within an hour. I picked up my daughter and placed her on top of all the bags then pushed the cart outside into the wet heat to wait in line for a cab. By this evening we will be picnicking in the park and watching the skyline light up...

The Longest Summer XIV

She was barely awake and it was no small task to dress her while she tried to escape my hold and get back to her pillow. She started giggling while trying to open her eyes so I kissed her on the cheeks to help bring her out of her slumber. "Fine mom I'm up, let's go to Macy's". I've created a monster, but truth be told I love our shopping trips and watching her develop her own style. I picked her up and rested her head on my shoulder while she clutched her blanket and stuffed dog. Dan was already putting the luggage in Karen's car while she grabbed the car seat.

Travelling with a three year old is incredibly easy, she rolls her own luggage, gets us through the Nexus line and always gets us on the plane first. Once I had her settled in her seat she would colour or play with her dolls for hours only asking to check out the tiny airplane bathroom once or twice. She always orders an orange juice and cookies along with crackers and hummus...I noticed last time we flew that she had developed a routine for flying.

Karen was already sleeping against the window by the time we were taxiing down the runway...NYC never gets old to me...I just know it's where I am supposed to be...forever...

The Longest Summer XIII

I bit my bottom lip and hit the button to buy the ticket. After a few days away with Dan I didn't want to leave my girl again so instead I bought her a ticket to come along and luckily Karen can come too. One week on the Upper West Side with two of my favourite ladies sounded perfect. I booked us an Airbnb and started packing two suitcases for the trip. She loves to go to Macy's so I packed half the amount of clothing she would need because her and Karen usually need to purchase a carry on to get all of their new items home. I opened my suitcase and rediscovered all of the pretty dresses I bought in California so I left them in there and threw in some clean socks and underwear and exchanged the toiletries.

I zipped up the bags and left them in the corner of my room. I picked up some of her toys and put them in a bin in her room, then folded three outfits that I was sure she tried on and wore for a few minutes today. The top of her dresser is almost full of little jewelry boxes she has found or bought  since she realized how much she loves treasure boxes. I sat at the end of her bed and memorized the order of her things and the stack of journals she has collected from NY to practice her spelling and drawing in. She keeps a picture of her and I on her nightstand and it's one of my favourites, which is why she keeps it so close. My mom said she grabbed one day when she was sad and I was away, that alone broke my heart. I guess that's why I decided to take her to NY as much as I can during this next year. It always goes back to my son and the time I missed with him, doing the right thing doesn't mean an existence without guilt...but I can learn...I can change...I can do better. There will never be enough time...there never is when it comes to those you love. I picked up her little sock and put it in her laundry hamper...time to start dinner...

The Longest Summer XII

It's funny...or sad, I can't remember which and sometimes it changes. As soon as we get back home we immediately get back into our home roles and the fire and passion that heated the room in San Diego cools to a luke warm...we haven't mastered being parents that can easily transition into lovers, I'm not sure we ever will...not as long as we have young children anyway. It really is okay, I mean I wouldn't give up my marriage and the get aways still validate what we hope...that we are still in love and the passion is merely smouldering until we can make the flames dance. I miss that...I miss the deep stares, the build ups and the long sex sessions that easily last the weekend.

I was brought back to reality by the dog scratching on the door wanting in and it felt like being woken from a dream you could have stayed in for the rest of your life. I got her some cold water and checked my dating profiles...back in New York in just a few days...I better unpack so I can pack...

The Longest Summer XI

We arrived at the airport earlier than we wanted but didn't want to get caught in traffic. Dan lit a cigarette while I rummaged through my purse for my phone...I had it earlier but now cannot find it. Panic set in, that phone contains a lot of my personal information along with some photos I'd prefer no one to ever see. I grabbed Dan's phone and logged into my email, the beauty about taking and Uber is that their information is always on hand. A quick call and some light begging before his current passenger suggested they make the trip back to give me my phone; I will happily cover the cost of his ride.

I had forty five minutes until I had to be through security so I was relived when I watched him pull up to the departures gate. I reached through the window to thank the passenger and hand him cash...crisis averted.

Home in just a few hours...and I am not ready to give him up...