Harlem By Day...or Night XXXII

Sadly this is not the worst date I have been on; it's still better than the fireman who masturbated through midtown Manhattan traffic while driving me to a writing conference. Do I naturally give off the "please masturbate for me" vibe? I lifted my head from my hands to find him dozing off while still pulling his flaccid cock...what an absolutely sad sight. I stood up and took one last look around the place, put water in the dogs dish and summoned the elevator. I cant believe I have to walk by that doorman again and he is well aware of who I was visiting and I am certain I am not the first to do the walk of shame...and sex was not the shame in this case.

I was digging in my purse in the elevator and gathered all of my papers from class as a hope to fool the doorman into thinking it was a work related visit...because for some reason I care what he thinks. The doors opened and I darted for the doors...that were locked...fuck!!!!

Harlem By Day...or Night XXXI

Online dating is a cruel joke, a bad punch line and a test of your strength in this new dating world. The picture he used must have been taken in the 70's because I kid you not when I tell you the reaper was hot on his trail. My mouth went completely dry and I slowly lowered myself to sit on the couch...for some reason I didn't even think to run for the elevator. He sat down on the other couch and placed his drink between his knees while he tapped it with his nail and stared across the room at me. I just kept thinking...if he drops dead I'll have my work cut out for me explaining this to the police, his family and that fucking doorman I have to walk past. I never said a word, I wasn't sure what to say or do so I was as happy as could be in that moment when he finally spoke up, until of course the words fell out of his mouth. "So what do you like?" I don't think I am fortunate enough for him to be actually asking me what I like in life and when it comes to sex he pretty much checks multiple boxes of what I don't like. I froze, I didn't want to engage in this conversation or interaction any longer. I was tired and annoyed to the point of not caring anymore about being nice.

He placed his glass on the table and stood up, which was great because then I could make my way back over to the elevator. I turned around to catch a quick glimpse of the view so that it didn't feel like a complete waste of my time. I grabbed my purse and flung it over my shoulder as I turned back towards the exit and should have been a lot more shocked than I was when I saw him in all of his naked glory masturbating on the couch...a couple of years of dating in NYC and I am completely desensitized to this...

Harlem By Day...or Night XXX

The doorman must have been ex law enforcement and I was pretty sure he was being a little over dramatic in his questions. I guess I could have said 'listen I met the guy on Tinder and now I want to check out the view' but I decided to play along. It took almost a full ten minutes before he pressed the button on the elevator that would take me to the penthouse.

I was standing in the middle of the elevator when the doors opened up into an impressive apartment with sculptures, white furniture and floor to ceiling windows. I stepped out and looked back and forth and no one was there to greet me, I didn't even hear a sound. I wondered if he was even home yet but he must be because the doorman let me up. I walked a little further before I let out a soft "hello" which finally got me a welcome from a very small and incredibly old dog...he was not impressed by my presence and continued to walk right by me. I followed the little dog to his perch on the couch where he enjoyed the lights of the skyline...if he still has vision that is. I reached over to pet him when I heard, "glad you could make it". I turned around to meet my date...but this couldn't be him...for fuck sakes this cannot be him...

Harlem By Day...or Night XXIX

I always felt renewed when I left class, which felt like a little too late since I leave in the morning. I walked up second avenue towards Harlem thinking I would stop in for a drink at Doc Watson's...until my phone lit up. Tinder guy got back to me, he just left the theatre and was heading back to his place in Gramercy. I loved the area and pass right through it on my way back...lucky coincidence.

He texted me the information while I ducked into a pub for a glass of wine while I killed some time. I continued to play Tinder and chat with the bartender hoping my date would be amazing but knowing that the odds are not in my favour.

I paid my tab and wandered over to the meet the doorman...I'd never been in a NY penthouse and I could barely contain my excitement. Truth be told, I was more excited about seeing the place over the  guy... but let's check out the view.

Harlem By Day...or Night XXVIII

I rested my head on the back of the couch and waited for the rest of the class to arrive, I was a few minutes early. I spoke to my coach about the piece I would read and then played with my Tinder account as a way to clear my head. After the day I had I was looking for someone I could enjoy a night cap with since I knew Kaila would be asleep by the time I got back. I always walk back to my place after class and sometimes it's as much as four miles but it's one of my favourite things to do, like saying good bye before I fly out in the morning.

I didn't even hear the rest of the class show up and felt a touch embarrassed when I realized they were waiting for me to start. I swiped right on a bi-coastal older gentlemen then tossed my phone in my purse. I passed out my essays, took a deep breath and attempted to slow my speech to avoid racing through my reading...

Harlem By Day...or Night XXVII

You can't run, you can barely walk fast in a packed subway staton and Penn Station was as busy as they come. We made it to the street where she was going to wonder around and I would run for the keys, I was hoping to be gone for no more than fifteen minutes. That would put us back up in Harlem with more than enough time for me to shower, change and collect my things before jumping back on the number 3 to the village.

I don't remember ever covering this much of Manhattan in half a day. I arrived at her work and waited for a few minutes until she emerged from he elevator with keys. The hardest part was trying to rush small talk, not just because I was under pressure but also because I really liked her; she's interesting and funny...but I gotta go.

I got back in seven minutes then spent ten looking for Kaila and playing "where are you" over text message. My anxiety was working overtime and I could feel the sweat run down my back and into the top of my pants...fuck it, I'm getting on the train and will meet her at the place.

Harlem By Day...or Night XXVI

I collected Kaila and we made our way back over to the 3 train. We were going to take it to Penn Station then I would sprint through people to get to 23rd and 7th, make small talk and find Kaila back at Penn Station...perhaps the busiest place in the city on any given day.

I filled my MTA card and swiped twice, of course it didn't work and I wondered if driving through the country with a cheating asshole would have been the better way to spend the day because the Amazing Race through Manhattan while hungover was starting to feel like second place.

I watched the time tick down on my phone as a way to literally pass the time on the train. I have to be in class in less than 3 hours back in the East Village...and I'm hungry again.

Harlem By Day...or Night XXV

We laid on the front steps and watched Gilmore Girls since we were still able to connect with wifi from there. My anxiety was stopping me from enjoying the show and the concrete was making it difficult to get comfortable. There was no way I could do this for the next five hours while we waited for the owners to get off work and come let us in. I texted the gentleman and silently hoped he had a hidden set of keys somewhere or a lock box close by. Kaila's constant smoking was starting to make me sick so I opted to go for a walk and grab a water.

I called Dan to fill him in on my day. Dan just makes everything better, his words, kindness and love take away any bad and restore my strength. He makes me laugh and never makes me feel anything but perfect...I miss him.

The gentleman finally got back to me and my one and only option is heading back down to the fashion district to collect keys from his wife. Back to the subway I guess...

Harlem By Day...or Night XXIV

We turned left down the street and as much as I wanted to be happy to be back I was still having trouble letting go of my awful date. We walked side by side to the top of the stairs, we didn't move when we got to the top and it didn't take long for it to sink in, even without saying a word...we'e locked out. We both left the room assuming the other had the keys...gah. My mind started to race, I had class in a few hours and was scheduled to read but the owner wouldn't be home in time and all I could do in the moment was stare at my computer and stack of papers on the other side of the window.

Kaila sat on the step and lit a cigarette, I almost threw up on my shoes when the smoke hit my senses...I'm extra sensitive in my hungover state. I balled my jacket up and dropped it on the front step then slid down the railing and rested my head on top of it. I don't have my things, I can't get to them and I have no idea if I am going to be able to make it to class...literally the one thing that ensures my frequent trips to Manhattan...this fucking day just keeps going...

Harlem By Day...or Night XXVIII

The subway smelled like urine and lost dreams and Chinatown was not exactly an upgrade. The Advil was not working and I couldn't drink enough soda to quench my thirst. We found a small shop full of trinkets and picked out 3 shirts, 3 purses and 3 cupcake necklaces for our daughters then looked for a restaurant that wouldn't make us question the strength of our immunization shots. Chinatown has some great food but with a hangover my sense of smell is heightened so I had to be quite selective.

Only two hours after arriving and we were already heading back to our room. I have my class tonight in the village and we leave for home tomorrow afternoon...I can almost feel my head hit the pillow for a long nap after a brutal morning...only twelve more stops to go...

Harlem By Day...or Night XXVII

We pulled up in front of my loft and I tried to find the handle to open the door while he tried his best to make apologies. I finally found it and was able to pull myself out of the car without needing a can opener. I took one last look in the car without ever looking directly at him then leaned back in to grab my coffee and muffin before I walked away. I didn't even close the door behind me and never looked back when he revved his engine and peeled off down the street...so long asshole.

I walked into the room to find Kaila drinking her orange juice and getting ready to go to Chinatown for souvenirs...fuck I hate Chinatown and it's not going to be much better with a hangover.

Harlem By Day...or Night XXVI

I guess he thought I would be okay sitting shotgun while he showed off his car and paraded his fake girlfriend around. We crossed back into Manhattan and I sat silently while he attempted to give me every excuse he could think of to get me to either change my mind or forgive his blatant lies...it wasn't working. I couldn't even look at him and there was very little space in this overly priced coffin of a car for me to have any personal time. He pulled over to the side of the road and I thought it was a last ditch effort to connect with me but as it turns out police take notice when a rich white guy driving a luxury car blows a stop sign in Harlem.

I sat in my seat and watched him apologize to the officer and convince him that he is not trying to score drugs...apparently that's a popular thing for white rich men to do. The day just kept getting worse and I swore if the police officer spoke to me that I would identify myself as his escort...this would ensure a front row seat to his unsuspecting wife bailing him out of jail. It's not my place to inform her, but it is my place to leave him...so I was a little relieved the officer never questioned me.

Harlem by Day...or Night XXV

We were flying down a beautiful curvy road when I decided to ask about his single life. Well it started out as casual conversation before it progressed into a full on inquisition. Not divorced, not separated, not living apart...not even arguing. She has no idea that I am out with her husband in their new car for the day. My stomach went sick and my blood boiled hot. My first mistake was assuming he was single, I felt it was a safe bet since he has read my story and knows first hand I would never date a married man, a cheater or someone committed. So why that fuck am I in his car on a date in another state if he knows I would not voluntarily sign up for this? "Let's enjoy a nice day driving through the country and having dinner. I have a dinner reservation over looking the Statue of Liberty and if you decide you'd rather not see me afterwards then I won't contact you". This fucking guy has some nerve...it took me no time at all..."take me back"...

Harlem By Day...or Night XXIV

We made a right on Lenox and headed for Westchester. I could almost hear him sob every time we hit a red light and more faces peered in the window...someone doesn't come above 110th very often. I sparked up a conversation to get his mind off of the negative and likely stereotypical thoughts surrounding Harlem. He told me he has four children and the youngest is about to head to university out of state, he is a Wall Street suit and loves cars and yachts...this is the very definition of a yuppy...right? Look who' stereotyping now. I picked up my coffee then placed it back in the cup holder, I didn't want to spill it, then I did the same with my gluten free chocolate chip muffin. I didn't think he would appreciate me adding coffee stains and chocolate smears to the interior.

We were just about out of Manhattan when he caught fourth gear and blew by a long line of cars. Westchester was beautiful...green, leafy and winding roads...