New Friends XXV

I threw two pairs of sneakers into a bag and placed them in my luggage. I'm well overpacked but I have no idea what the weather will be like, how I will feel on the day of the race and I don't know what Joseph has planned for the rest of the time I will be there. I grabbed an extra purse and clutch, black heels and two pairs of skinny jeans...the rest was all running gear. I pulled my suitcase down the stairs and left it at the front door, Karen is picking me up at 4am to take me to the airport.

I made my way back up the stairs and climbed into bed beside my daughter. She's already made me promise to give her the medal when I cross the finish line so we each have one. I slid my hand into hers and kissed her plump little cheeks while I was breathing her in...I already miss her. It's funny, I always wanted a little corner of my life just for me but I'll tell ya...I don't think it's possible because I don't think I want a life where my children can't roam. I moved the hair from off of her face and closed my eyes hoping to sleep for a few hours...

New Friends XXIV

I was doing ten to fifteen miles a day and never made it to twenty before I had to stop training. I never train the week leading up to the marathon so I have fresh lags, or at least the hope that if I stop then I will be blessed with running legs on the big day. Some days I could run forever and other days I struggle to make it a mile.

I had been talking to Joseph and making plans for the week, why wouldn't I spend another week with him? In fact why wouldn't I spend any week I'm there with him? He likes my company, takes me around the city, we experience new things together, see the sites, eat at the best restaurants and go to the theatre...after the last few years I have had with dating in NYC...he may never escape me. I finally found someone who is serious about what I am looking for and that's just the icing on top; he is also kind, generous, genuine, funny and handsome.

I watched my phone light up as I laced up for an evening run, it was a snapshot sent from Joseph, but the picture was of Atlantic City, actually the picture was of the hotel I first met Mike in...Mike from Long Island. "I booked two rooms for after the race" was all the message stated. I wonder if I'll tell him the story of Mike and our meeting in Atlantic City...all of a sudden the world felt small...

New Friends XXIII

I spent the next few weeks trying to put as many miles on my shoes as possible in the hopes that somehow I would be ready for another 42km around NY. I started to run country roads because they were filled with hill and turns, it was nothing like running on a treadmill. I love the outdoors and took the dogs along for the run when Karen could tag along as well. I found out the other person I was running with stopped training months ago and I have to admit I was a little relieved that she would not have to wait for me if her running skills were superior. I heard a stat once that 99% of people who show up to run a marathon actually finish, I'm not worried because I crossed the finish last year and know I won't stop until I repeat it this year.

My flight had been booked for months and Joseph was quickly finding things for us to do over that week. He's happy to take me to my bus in midtown at 4am on race day if I want to stay out in Queens...and I just might. I threw my sneakers in the back of the car and open the latch for the dogs...we got 7 miles of hills today and a dead iPod...

New Friends XXII

For the first time in a long time my plane was leaving Laguardia on time. I arrived home happier, I knew I felt differently after leaving NY this time. It wasn't that I was in love or smitten but I was happy about Joseph, I really felt like this person could be part of my life...at least the New York side of it. I thought about the dinners, theatre, walks and conversations we shared over the past week along with the several weeks leading up to the week, almost like I was trying to find the crack in it all...the weak spot.

I watched my luggage come through on the conveyor belt and snapped out of my thoughts. I had become a little gun shy in the dating department after my time with John and as hard as I tried not to place every situation in that one box...old habits die hard. I texted Dan to that I was ready and immediately felt better...it's only supposed to work out with him so whatever happens with anyone else...just happens...

Podcast Break!

Greetings,

I wanted to take a break today from my story to share the podcast I was a guest on today. The show is called "Nerds with Words", two comedians interviewed me regarding my blog and soon to be book "Married and Single at the Same Time". I'm adding the link for any who would like to have a listen, it is also available on both of my Facebook pages.

Thank you so much for all of you who read about and support my journey...even if you don't necessarily agree with it.

http://traffic.cast.plus/5954b14b17c39e05f427a72f/traffic.libsyn.com/nerdswithwords/Episode_65_-_Natalie_Wanner.mp3

New friends XXI

We spent each afternoon walking Leena up and down the Brooklyn waterfront while he told me about the different buildings throughout the city that he has worked in and built...he's quite interesting. The night before I was due to fly home he took me to his favourite watering hole, it's not glamorous or flashy, it barely had paint on the walls. He had been coming here since he was 24 years old, it was the first place he had a drink when he finally moved back to America. The bar was damn near empty and quite dark. There's a couple dart boards in the back along with a pool table, you can gamble in your seat while you watch a game similar to keno and the jukebox is always playing. It's all Irish, and I wasn't surprised because I don't know that I have ever had any bartender in NY pour me a beer without an Irish accent and Maspeth was no exception. Every single patron was from Ireland except for me, not that there were many other people in there but Joseph mentioned it's an Irish bar in the sense that only Irish go there and noted that most places around that area are like that. We each picked 3 numbers and tried our luck, we picked some music on the jukebox then played darts while we watched and cheered for our numbers to come out.

We walked back to his place just after 4am and I was barely able to keep my eyes open. I flopped on my bed while he set alarms and checked flights...I'm a little sad I have to go home tomorrow but I am also excited that I get to come back...to someone...

New Friends XX

I had waited a long time to see Wicked so when he flashed me the tickets I squealed with excitement. Our seats were incredible and I swear we were dead centre in the theatre and there were no hidden spots on stage. We each had a red wine that was poured into a souvenir sippy cup and saved our appetites for after the show. We tapped our cups together as the curtain rose and butterflies filled my tummy...we're off to see the Wizard...

The show was incredible, Broadway is impressive and I could easily spend every night watching theatre. We walked out of the theatre already planning on all of the other shows we wanted to see and making future plans of who gets to pick next. I looped my arm through his and we walked side by side towards Times Square, laughing and dodging the stream of people coming our way. We found a little Mexican restaurant and got a table by the window; we ordered a bottle of wine and a few small plates to share...it's been a while since I have been on such a great date I almost forgot how fun they can be when you're learning about someone else.

New Friends XIX

We were spending the days walking along the east river in Brooklyn and staring across the water at Manhattan and the Statue of Liberty. I would stop in Bedstuy and grab my friend Christine's dog Leena and take her for a walk everyday, she loved seeing the people and watching the birds cruise just above the water. We stopped by one of the soccer fields and watched a few players kick the ball around while others poured onto the turf...it's quite the view in the evening. I had never been to this area although I had walked across the Brooklyn Bridge with Dan a few years prior. Benches lined the pedestrian trail and people made great use of the path and the fields. You could see how the tourists were starting to branch out from more than just Manhattan being NYC; Brooklyn was finally getting the respect it deserved.

We found a little bistro in the open and just beside the bridge, they had bowls for pups along with a bar...Joseph and I had a beer and Leena lapped up some water and made friends with the poodle at the next table. Tonight we are going to Broadway...

New friends XVIII

I was still exhausted by the time we sat for dinner around 730pm. I went for a run around the neighbourhood and grabbed a late coffee in the hopes that it would perk me up, sometimes I forget the marathon is only a few weeks away. We went to a place called the Old Homestead, it was definitely an older and more refined crowd but I welcomed the quietness and red wine. Joseph may be blue collar but he knows food and wine better than most I have witnessed. He ordered the porterhouse for 2 along with some side dishes then requested a bottle of Pinot Noir to share over conversation. He looked nice in his button down shirt, blue jeans and dimples for days, he still has his boyish good looks but you can see the ruggedness just below the surface. He's a ginger but lost his hair decades ago, it almost makes me sad because I love a redhead but there are still signs of it and it's a nice reminder. We clinked glasses and exchanged stories throughout the night while we people watched out the window of the west side of Manhattan...this is the NY I have been thinking about...

New Friends XVII

We ordered pizza and decided to write the day off. We turned on some music and each sat in a recliner on opposite ends of the couch with the pizza and fresh bottle of wine between us. I watched his face turn back into happiness and I was happy he was able to leave his truth in the dark...he has had so many years of practice. I had so many questions but they didn't need to be asked today so I left them in my head and listened to him tell me a joke his father told him. He's charming and hilarious, he can barely tell a joke or story without bursting out laughing before he gets to the punch line and it's contagious...he's quite the catch. I placed my wine glass on the end table and wrapped myself back up in blankets hoping to doze off to the music and his memories. "I made us dinner reservations in the city". I opened my left eye to peek out at him, "that sounds lovely". I closed my eyes and drifted into a nap....I can't wait to hit the city.

New Friends XVI

"Listen, I didn't tell you my marriage fall out because I need or want you to feel sorry for me. I never asked her any questions, I couldn't, I was so angry I was scared to know the answers. Maybe I wasn't the best husband, maybe she hated me, maybe she used me to create the life she wanted, I don't know and everyday I try not to care. I am telling you my story because I want you to know that I have no intentions of getting back into anything serious again, at least serious enough to move in or get married. I know you have dated men in the past that have wavered in their words, my words don't waver". Wow, that was quite the distance to go just to show me he was serious in his profile that he doesn't want anything serious. But I can see why, many of the men I spoke to or went out with often changed what they wanted based on who they were talking to and what was available. I found it irritating and manipulative and at times made me think that I would just rather have random sex partners...but that scared me so it left me feeling a little handcuffed to old ideas and new realities.

"Natalie, you're married with children and not looking to change your family home. I'm telling you that one week a month suits me just fine and I have no interest in ever making that more time nor do I ever want you to change your circumstances. Your life works for what I am able to give and what I want, I guess I just wanted to show you my sincerity and what it is based on so you know it's not just words I speak but words I mean". I sat back and tapped my wine glass while staring outside the kitchen window. "I would like it if we could date that week you're in town. I love going to the theatre,  out to eat, concerts, travel and the New York I rarely get to see with someone I enjoy and hate doing alone". I looked across the island at him and smiled, "okay, let's give it a shot"...

New Friends XV

This should have been a lot more awkward than it was, maybe it was the shock or the fact that we spent so much time becoming friends before we even met, but I jumped right in as any good friend would. "Wanna get a beer?" He got up and opened the fridge, there were two beers left in the vegetable crisper, he cracked them both and handed me one. I threw my head back and took a long swallow before I placed it back on the island. I opened my mouth to talk and then lost all my words, it's almost ten years old...why did he keep it? "When I was in my early twenties my father got really sick and I left my landscaping business in NY to go and care for him in Ireland. I was there for six months sleeping on the floor of the hospital, bathing him, feeding him and entertaining him. I loved that man more than I could ever express and it destroyed me everyday while I watched him slowly die". I choked back a couple of tears and took another drink...I hope there is more alcohol in the house. "When he finally passed I was destroyed, he was my hero and best friend, he always did the right thing. I came home shortly after the funeral and picked up the life I left several months ago, got a job in construction and met my ex-wife". I wasn't going to ask any questions, he needs to talk and I am all ears. "I loved her, I trusted her and I always did it right, just how my father showed me. When she wanted to go back to school I helped her, I just didn't realize it was going to be eight years and over one hundred thousand dollars, but I still did it. The birth of my second child, first daughter, was very tough, she was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis at ten days old...my ex had a break down. I don't blame her for that, I was fine rushing home for work so she could make it to school. But then things started to change after we had our third child, second daughter. I started to catch her in lies about money and where she was spending her days with the kids in daycare and her classes not until the evening. I followed her one day after I came off the night shift and found her in a Dunkin Donuts with a tutor, she kept it a secret because it was over eight hundred dollars a month. It has always come back to money Natalie. I never grew up with anything but I have always worked hard, I don't know why she stole from me, from us, when I was giving her everything I had". At this point I was standing at the wine rack pretending to read but holding back tears. "When I got that message by mistake it was like watching my father die all over again except over the years my fond memories of my marriage have slid into anger and resentment". No shit, I would have lost my fucking mind at that point. I grabbed the corkscrew and opened a Pinot Noir then poured the entire bottle into two glasses...I'm still in my pyjamas.

New Friends XIV

"Well?" He was sopping up the last of his egg with his under-toasted bread and I was completely done with small talk. He pushed his plate to the side and pressed the button for the kettle...I don't fucking want tea. "I want you to listen to something". He better talk fast because at this point the only thing we will be listening to is the door closing after my cab arrives, I can't stand this type of mental dance. He took out his phone and placed it face up on the counter, my impatience was overflowing and my body language could no longer camouflage my irritation. "It's a message I received almost a decade ago, I wasn't supposed to get this information but someone was sloppy". Now I was intrigued and slightly nervous, I don't want to be an accomplice after the fact. He hit play and I sat back in the chair with my coffee mug in my hand listening to this lady speak. She had an accent, it was clearly Irish with a touch of anger...or vengeance. He stared at the phone while I stared at him and together we took in her words, for me it was the first time but for him these words ring in his head every single day.

We sat in silence for several minutes while I listened to a woman tell someone else that she had been stealing out of her own marital bank account for the past 18 months and accumulated thousands of dollars. She went on to explain that she was secretly seeing a lawyer and found out that with three children her husband would have to give her upwards of ten thousand a month in child support and alimony. Her voice was cold, like a cackle of a witch when she was able to spit out the amount of money she had stolen from her own account and was now hiding in her brothers. My foot started to tap in anxiety and I could feel my heart race, I cannot even imagine how he felt the day he got off an 11 hour day in construction and checked his messages. The phone beeped and the message stopped...the silence was deafening...

New Friends XIII

I woke to that same fucking dog on the back step barking away at something...or nothing. We had a late night of Irish pubs in Queens while we shared stories of our children and other corners of our lives. He has three children, all are teenagers, and has been divorced for over seven years. He had two serious relationships after his divorce, both ended badly. One struggled with alcohol and the other treated his children with contempt for existing. He figured out after those two women along with his ex-wife that he would rather be single over having someone around just for company. I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard something hit the floor and break, Joseph must be up. I threw my hair in a bun and brushed my teeth while I tried to stare the dog down and hopefully he would go some place else to howl...it didn't work.

I found Joseph under his kitchen table with a dustpan and sweeper, "Waddya break?" I must have startled him because he cracked his head on the table when he heard my voice, "A wine glass fell off the shelf smartass." I walked over and grabbed a coffee pod and a piece of bacon, "breakfast is already on the table, didn't you sleep?" By now he was standing at the island just a few feet from me tying up a bag with the broken glass inside. "I tossed and turned most of the night." He sounded distracted and the more I studied him the more I could see it, something is definitely weighing on him. I could feel my eyes roll and voice sigh at the thought of another man who wants to be my NY lover but just can't get over my marriage or lifestyle...it's not like I don't give this information up front, GRRRR! I sat down and started to fill my plate, if he's going to give me this speech I want to make sure I've eaten so I have all of my energy to rebook my hotel and move into the city. Beside I'm used to this, everyone likes the sound of my life and being the NY part of it but when it's all there it's a different pill to swallow for some reason. Oh well...pass the bacon...