Writer on the Run XXV

Standing in the gate of the third wave and I felt defeated before I even took my first step. I was standing next to a young man from Calgary, Alberta who signed up while drunk one night then woke up to a charge on his credit card and decided to start training immediately. I stood there anxiously eating his carbohydrate nuggets listening to him tell his story and secretly wishing that when they fired the guns that a bullet would hit me in the foot.

I couldn't hear the shots but the people ahead of me started to move so I wished the group luck and slowly followed. About one hundred metres in and I noticed a young woman laying on the bridge surrounded by other runners...she must have fallen among the group of runners and I was legitimately jealous that she was excused from continuing. The Verrazano Bridge was a brutal start but I felt much better coming down the other side and into Brooklyn...how fucking long is this going to take me...earbuds in, music cranked and waving to the people above the overpass...

Writer on the Run XXIV

I woke at 4m and quietly got dressed and grabbed all of my passes, identification, bankcard and phone after I finished eating my breakfast. I barely slept last night but didn’t think I would anyway. I sat in silence on the couch for about fifteen minutes staring at the clock and trying to calm my nerves, too afraid to move in case I lost my breakfast. I could see my son sleeping just across the room, I wouldn’t see him again until I crossed the finish line and the thought started to make me feel emotional on top of anxious. I walked over and kissed his face softly hoping he wouldn’t wake and carefully grabbed the spare set of keys making sure they didn’t jingle.

I stepped out onto East 72^nd street and hailed a cab at the corner to take me to my bus that will take me to Staten Island. I don’t think I ever remember seeing the streets of New York so quiet and empty…it was almost eerie.

I got out on the street lined with buses and hundreds of people wearing the same jersey as myself. I felt proud to raise money for the youth of the city I love. I walked over to the crowd around the man standing on the steps and using a megaphone to direct everyone. My nerves started to settle as I talked to the people around me and learned that I wasn’t the least prepared person that showed up.

I was standing next to a young woman running for the first time as well and just so happened to be on my bus…it was relieving to have someone to at the very least walk to the gate with before running our own races…

Writer ont he Run XXIII

Our place on the Upper East Side was a third story walk up and I immediately wondered how the hell I would climb then after the race.  We dropped our things off and headed to the subway to make our way to the West Village. Apparently there is quite the parade on Halloween that goes through the village and I'm hoping to catch some of it before I head back to get some sleep...although I am never going to sleep.

We walked in and out of shops then over to Union Square hoping to catch  glimpse of what all the hype was about. I had never seen stores close so early in the city, for safety reasons with the crowds they have to lock up...makes me wonder how they survive Christmas time...but then again people aren't wearing disguises at Christmas. We walked into Trader Joe's so i could grab some food for the morning before I caught the bus to Staten Island; two boiled eggs, gluten free trail mix, yogurt and cheese.

I could feel my anxiety as the hours ticked by and it was time to hop on the 6 and head back uptown...4am comes early...

Writer on the Run XXII

I was impatiently waiting at Penn Station with all of my things including my passes for the race. I'd spent much of his life waiting for him in airports when he would come to visit or watching him walk down the long corridor when it was time to leave. I am never so happy as when I see him emerge from the door way and never so sad as when i watch him walk around the same corner with one last smile and wave before he is out of sight. Having him here for this time in my life just feels so right, as much as I want Dan and my daughter her as well, I am looking forward to sharing this with my son...something we will have forever.

Over the past few weeks leading up to the race I could feel my emotions floating towards the surface knowing that I have silently longed for the opportunity to actually follow through with my wants. I could feel it all come rushing through me when he came into view on the escalator and I suddenly feel at home. I love having time with him in NY...it's not always about being single and dating the men of New York...sometimes it's just about being with those I love and sharing my favourite city with them. I wrapped my arm through his once I finally stopped hugging him and kissing his beautiful face...I have four days with him...but it's never enough...

Writer on the Run XXI

I woke to my phone buzzing, it was my son. He had just left Montreal and was making his way to Manhattan to visit me for a few days and watch me cross the finish line. He was driving to Yonkers and taking a train into Penn Station, I got us an apartment on the Upper East Side so we wouldn't have to go back and forth to New Jersey;  couldn't imagine having to go so far after my run. I had about six hours until I met him just up the stairs from his platform, I was immediately excited and ready to start my day.

I pushed Cleo off of me and we both rolled out of bed and made our way tot he kitchen. I fed her and let her onto the roof to stretch and do her business before we went for our walk. I washed my face, brushed my teeth and laced up for a short two mile walk before I showered and packed a few things to take into Manhattan. I grabbed her leash and watched her wiggle in her sit, almost too excited to sit for even the briefest moment.

We both bounced down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk. Clarence is coming back to watch her while I am in the city running and it's nice to not feel bad about leaving her.

Writer on the Run XX

We only sat for an hour while we exchanged stories and he filled me in on what the other people around us were talking about...I wish I knew more than one language. We picked up our jackets and started walking back uptown to find a place for lunch but was also central to where we were each staying.

We found a small Thai restaurant where I was able to find several gluten free options and we could also enjoy a drink. With our histories out of the way we were able to sit back, eat great food and watch the world walk by...people watching at its finest. I could have sat there all day but he had a plane to fly and I had to get home and off of my feet so I wouldn't exhaust them any longer. He paid the bill and I walked him to Penn Station where he could easily get back to Jersey City. I hugged him and knew I would miss him if our paths never crossed again...standing there made me miss Carl after remembering how often I walked him to the exact same place and said good bye. I watched him walk down the steps before I turned back uptown and headed for Port Authority.

The city is stunning in the fall and I can hardly wait to be running through Central Park in a few days...hoping it would be enjoyable over painful once I finally entered the park to finish the race...

Writer on the Run XIX

I met Leo in the Meat Packing District where he took me on the high level walking path...how on earth did I never know about this? The view was stunning and I initially found it difficult to concentrate on my new friend...Manhattan just has a way of stealing my heart and attention. Leo looks exactly as his pictures and the aviators make him look like he walked out of Top Gun. His manner's are on point and he is highly intelligent and just as funny...good thing he's a pilot and can come across the pond regularly.

We found small coffee shop at the bottom of a set a stairs, we found a table for two on the sidewalk and settled in for a bit. He told me about his life in Europe, funny stories on board his flights then offered to take me to any corner of the planet I wanted. He could make me blush easily; he was racking up brownie points at record speed but I kept my feet firmly on the ground...I mean I barely know this guy and he'll be crossing the Atlantic again in less than twelve hours. I took my jacket off and laid it over my lap, I wanted to get lost in his life this afternoon and forget about the race...

Writer on the Run XVIII

Cleo was asleep on the couch when I walked in, the door usually startles her into jumps and barks but not this evening. She was walked, fed and given lots of love so her stress levels must be either low or non existent. It was just after 1am and I suddenly didn't feel so exhausted anymore. I threw my shoes in my room and jumped into my pyjamas before snuggling in beside Cleo. I walked into the kitchen for some water and was quickly reminded of how little food Clarence keeps in his place...cheese, gatorade and coffee. I grabbed some water and closed the fridge knowing I would open it again in the morning hoping the food fairy left me gluten free bread, eggs and milk.

I picked up my phone and downloaded Tinder, it's become more of a game for me and the men of NY love playing along since it's mainly done out of boredom and no one cares if you cancel. No matter the time of day there are thousands of men swiping in NY from all over the world so I wasn't really shocked when I swiped right on Leo, a pilot from Holland who would be around for a few short hours tomorrow and wanted a lunch date...I think it should be me...

Writer on the Run XVII

Five miles was likely too far to be walking days before I run but Cleo was so full of energy I didn't want to cut her short. I laid back in bed wishing I didn't make plans for the evening but it's difficult to stay away from Manhattan when you can easily hear and smell it from across the Hudson River. Cleo was staring at me from around the door so I invited her up for some pets and belly rubs. I thought about Django, praying she would feel better soon and hoping beyond hope that she would fully recover without invasive surgery.

I finally crawled out of bed and started to get ready to head over to the Rum House for a drink with some friends; at least it's super close to the bus and getting back home. I'm only staying for one drink and to chat and take in the music, I would never recover in time to run the marathon if it was anymore than that. I transferred my things from my purse to my clutch, grabbed some loose cash and headed for the door...I hope to be walking back through it in under three hours...but that seemed a little optimistic...

Writer on the Run XVI

Cleo was bouncing off the walls when I walked into the apartment. Clarence texted to ask when I was arriving, he had been gone for a few days and the dog walker was getting concerned as she had still not eaten. Cleo took one look at me and devoured her dish of food. I opened the gate to the living room and walked across and into the bedroom...my bedroom. I unpacked my clothes and flopped onto the bed, I felt exhausted and weak from the trip in. I could hear Cleo lapping up her water and finishing her lunch, I have about thirty minutes until she will need to go out. I texted Clarence that she had eaten and would be walked soon. I have to be careful not to walk too much before I run, even on the best of days I have struggled to find my running legs. 

I pulled myself further into the middle of the bed and kicked my shoes onto the floor...Cleo will wake me when she needs to go out and until then...I'm drifting off...

Writer on the Run XV

I was motion sick from the two hour bus ride into Port Authority and could feel myself sweating in the cool weather. I only had one more short bus ride through the Lincoln Tunnel and I would be snuggling with Cleo in under thirty minutes...assuming the tunnel isn't a nightmare.

I felt disoriented when I got inside and almost forgot where the bus was located...luckily a nice homeless man pointed me in the right direction. I have found the homeless population in Port Authority and Grand Central Station are the most helpful with directions and almost always only ask for a dime or a quarter. I think it's brilliant that they have made themselves walking maps around the area and can tell you which train or subway to get to where you want to go, where to line up for buses to the airport and who has the cheapest coffee...even the people working in and around the stations have stated that they are super helpful and necessary. Maybe they got tired of hearing people telling them to 'get a job' and developed their own as a way to make a living. They are kind and wonderful people who just want to be helpful and appreciate a donation but have never become aggressive with myself or my son at all. Now I let them pull my luggage around the stations and to the busses for lunch and if I'm not in a hurry I like to sit with them...I only buy food from places that would allow them to eat in their establishment even if I was not sitting with them.

It felt good to be back in the city...I took a deep breath in and walked to the back of the building and down the stairs to my bus...

Writer on the Run XIV

I was nauseous with fear and unsteady nerves when Karen dropped me off at the airport. I would get into New York around 4pm and over to Jersey by 7pm. Clarence was working a long stretch at the fire department then golfing out of town for the next few days so I was glad to dog sit Cleopatra for a coupled of days and then move into Manhattan when Bailey came for a few days.

The airport looked strangely deserted as I walked through the roped path without a person a ahead of me. Typically it's packed with travellers heading to Mexico or other hot destinations...but this morning it was just me and the security crew. I had flying down to a science; I wear Tom's on my feet, Lululemon's for pants and a light t-shirt and jacket...no pockets or belts and my computer is always in my checked bag. I made it through in under ninety seconds and walked straight ahead to Starbucks for an Americano.

I found my gate and settled in until it was boarding time and threw in my iPod to drown out the couple behind me having an intense discussion about their travel itinerary. All I have to do is cross the finish line, that's my only goal at this point. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the back of my chair...

Writer on the Run XIII

I had four piles of clothes scattered about the room and all over my bed trying to create a checklist of what I would need for this trip. I had my running gear pile that I was never entirely convinced was complete, then shoes, jackets and purses and everything else in-between. iPod charger, phone charger, computer and bag full of all of my writing books and pens. I preferred to handwrite all of my book then slowly transfer it to my computer weeks later and expand on my thoughts.

Eventually I was staring at a full suitcase, which looked to contain every stitch of clothing I owned. New York weather can be tough, especially in the colder months which are never really that bad...at least not that I have found. I could hear Django moving behind me and I imagine she is trying to get comfortable, something she hasn't been in a long time. I crawled onto the pillow beside her so we could spoon while I rubbed her belly and told her she was a good pup.

Writer on the Run XII

I ran twenty miles today, my last run before the marathon; I finished with a migraine and wobbly legs...but I finished it. It all still felt surreal to me, I was hitting periods of excitement and becoming emotional about crossing the finish line. I flopped down beside Django and peeled off my shoes and socks, too exhausted to jump in the shower just yet. She rolled over very slowly and licked my nose, her support is incredible during her period of pain...completely selfless.

A half hour later I was standing in the shower making a list of everything I needed for the race and decided to pack tonight rather than next week just to be sure I don't leave anything behind. A jolt of excitement ran through me when I remembered that my son would be joining me for a few days and would be waiting at the finish line for me. I miss him terribly since he moved across the country but I'm proud of his accomplishments and drive to compete.

I was drying off and could hear her whimpering in the bedroom, it must be time for another of her pills to help ease her pain. I wish she could talk to me...I wish I could help her.

Writer on the Run XI

Django couldn't even walk around the block today, she barely made it down the stairs. I try not to cry in front of her anymore because I can see it causes her pain and the need to console me, I don't want to become an added stress to her. I brought her back in the house, after helping her up the stairs and brought her back to her bed. I attempted several times to give her treats but she was never interested anymore so I patted her head, kissed her nose and made sure she was comfortable before I made my way back out to complete my run.

I made it as far as my front door before I remembered my treadmill in my bedroom...maybe she doesn't have to miss out on all of the training. I walked back and helped her up the stairs to my bedroom where she flopped down on her other bed. Like a true companion with unconditional love, she watched me for over two hours while I ran out my mileage for the day.

Writer on the Run X

I was sitting at our new vets office with Django; tears streaming down my face as I tried to coax her out from underneath the bench I was sitting on. She couldn't even walk around the block this morning and I'm concerned she hurt her back or legs...although I'm not sure how. She has always been a very timid pup that gets scared at loud noises or new people, especially those that want to examine her.

I was finally able to lay on the floor where she crawled over to me to lick the tears off of my cheeks. She has always taken care of me even when it was her that needed the snuggles...it was me getting them. Years ago she became very sick, to the point where she couldn't even open her mouth to eat; when the vet couldn't figure it out...Dan did. Turned out Django had a rare condition where her immune system attacks the muscles in her face and the next several months would be rehabbing her back to health. I remember coming home after work and finding her laying motionless in the basement, too weak to move from the medication and still able to greet me with kisses and a tired wagging tale. We got through it and we'll get through this too...it's just feels so much more difficult this time.

I had to lift her back into my car and prayed that the few weeks of medications I placed on the passenger seat would work for her. I reached my hand into the back seat to pet her head and offer her some comfort in her pain...