A Love, A Loss and Peace III

I was in overdrive in the anxiety department. Trust was gone and friendship was sliding away at a rapid pace. I was sick to my stomach and wondering how I would live next door to these people who don't look the same anymore. It wasn't just that one had relapsed into addiction; I've worked with people of all ages who have struggled wth addiction...my problem was that they were going off of the rails and I didn't trust them anymore. I arranged to be in NY for three months bouncing between Jospeh's place in Queens and the beach house on the weeks he wouldn't be using it or the upstairs apartment was free to rent. I was terrified to go home, to expose my daughter to that house she once loved and felt safe in and now I have to tell her that she can't go over there anymore. 

I felt stuck, it didn't matter that I would have NY at my fingertips for months...it felt like prison where I had to be and not where I wanted to be. My freedom was sucked away and NY started to lose it's beauty, becoming grey and concrete...my vision was becoming jaded. I held back the tears in my eyes while I tried to look excited telling my four year old about our new awesome summer adventure...that just came up.