Comfortably Numb IX

I didn't realize how difficult it would be to go home. The neighbours we once knew were gone and I can't really remember who they were...it's funny how a traumatic event can wipe away memories like they never even happened, take away people you forgot you ever knew. My father passing wasn't nearly as traumatic as him living, watching him suffer and beg for the sweet release of death, now all I held was a few mementos I grabbed that would help solidify his memory into mine. I didn't miss him the way I thought I would, I guess after years of watching someone you love descend into death you learn to miss, or perhaps remember, the best parts of them rather than the last of them. Every little trinket I took was from memories all the way back to my early childhood...that's where my father was the strongest man in the world, my protector and hero. I keep them in a small box, its's where I go to think about him and breath him back into my life for a few more minutes.

I finished unpacking and placed the little box on the top of my closet. Life feels different to me now and I don't know what that means. Death feels so permanent and now, more than ever, I want to live my life for me...