My Father IX

I laid in bed wide awake most of the night reminiscing about my relationship with my father. I missed my dad, the dad I had growing up. I try not to share my memories with anyone else, I don't want their counter memories balancing it out with everything he did wrong. The criticizing can stop, we can put to rest his flaws and mistakes whether intentional or otherwise. He's dying and I refuse to let the dark overshadow the good...there was good. He was a long haul truck driver ever since he was able to drive and I can remember him taking me for rides and pulling the float in the Christmas parades and doing everything he could to make sure I had fun and new experiences. In my memories he was always closer to my sister but only now am I able to see that he treated us the same although I was never able to recognize that while growing up. I hated their relationship and that I never had what they did but the reality is that my mother provided me with everything he couldn't...not that he didn't try, we all try as parents.


Tears started streaming down side of my face; I rolled over and snuggled in close to my daughter hoping my sobbing wouldn't wake her. My father loved me...he did the best he could. Letting go feels so good...but my children will never question my love and devotion...