My Father X

His apartment was filled with smoke at 915am and I cracked the windows and decided to throw on a different attitude. I have this amazing defence mechanism where I prefer to fix his place and clean it to avoid visiting with him but today I dropped that. I called cousins, aunts and uncles and arranged a bbq. I wanted to get him out of his place and back into the world, maybe being around family and in the fresh air reminiscing about the years he was happy and on top of the world would give him motivation to be less of a hermit.

He gave him his grumpiest look and tried to push off the night but I wasn't having it. I didn't drive across the damn country to sit in a smoke filled cell and watch Judge Judy while slowly dying of smoke inhalation. He doesn't feel good...he never feels good. That's what slow death does, it takes everything away from you and replaces it with fear, anger, depression and pain. I'm not trying to save his life...I'm trying to save his years. I walked over and grabbed his shoes...I swear to christ he is getting in the car...