Comfortably Numb XVII

Joseph and I talked a bit in June and faded more so in July. I wanted to meet him, I wanted to see him but eveyime I went to book a flight I just couldn't pull the trigger and buy the ticket. It's broken and no longer beautiful and no matter how much glue I put on it...it's just not the same and will never look the same. I had tried for several months over various visits to leave, to cut ties but it was all so emotional and I was easily reeled right back in...he would excuse my mood swings and I would buy it everytime...hoping it would change but never actually seeing any progress. I continued to break and our week of fun slowly turned to a week of hell, I didn't know how to leave and didn't know how to stay. Finally one day he sent me a text expressing his desire to find his "one", knowing it could never be me, it was the first time I felt relief in months...maybe I didn't break him maybe not all is lost in our friendship.

Everything reaches completion but not everything has to be destroyed. Sometimes no matter how far you come in life...it feels like you never really moved at all.