Running...But Not Away III

Things feel differently now, I no longer feel like I have the weight of the world holding me down. I'm happy...it's been so long since I felt this happy. I'm going back to class, it starts in September and I feel it's exactly where I need to be. I met with an artist and he agreed to create my vision and paint my book cover within the month...about the exact time I need to put the finishing touches on my manuscript. The thought of being an indie author is exciting and liberating, I want it all to be mine and I'm no longer going to be flexible on that.

I ripped the band-aid off and reclaimed Manhattan...it's everything I remember and love. It seems only fitting that I launch my book from there so I'm meeting Carlos next month and together we are tossing my words and his artwork into the universe for the world to see...I'm nervous, it's a good nervous.

I miss Joseph and I wish it didn't have to be all or nothing, but he has never done it any other way. I didn't realize that the day I wanted our relationship to change would be the day he locked me out, friendship and all. I didn't believe our friendship was only connected through our intimacy so when one ends it all ends and it feels like I lost two people. My life was never a secret, never hidden, there were no false promises, no thoughts of a future...it was all an adventurous affair but never once did I lose sight of my life, never once did I promise anything more and never once did I make him believe that we would ride off into the sunset. One day the anger may stop, the hurt may fall away and the sadness may not feel so heavy and maybe one day he will remember that the best part about us was always our friendship...it never had an expiration date but our intimacy always did. I hold onto hope that one day he will want to be part of my life again and so I leave that door open waiting for him to walk through.

Everything comes to completion...and then you start a new chapter...a new book...a new adventure...