I'm a bit shook, still a touch unforgiving and a little sharp with those who want to comfort me. There's nothing to comfort, it was never going to last and I cannot help him, and that makes it easier to stay away. I was going to go out with another gentleman but it just didn't work out...I didn't really care. I know I'll want something but I'm unclear of the blueprint moving forward. Letting go of someone feels so easy compared to letting go of who you thought they were. Some days the timeline is stuck in my brain and I have no forgiveness and other days I collect the memories I love most and tuck them away hoping when I revisit they will make me smile again.
That's the thing with life...everything cannot be a waste of your time, not everything is supposed to work out...but that doesn't mean you shouldn't honour the time. I learned so much, I hurt so much and I loved so much. I have regrets, but they will fade long before the happy memories do. In time I will find a place in my heart for a least one snap shot of out time together...perhaps each time I get to step on a golf course, although I still believe that I will watch him play again...although it will be on a screen. Each day I forgive each of us a little more and find a way to remove the anger around it all...
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