The Transition IV

I still struggle to sleep through the night, I just don't understand how someone could fumble me so badly...unless that was always the play. I loved him, I wanted to be that person he could rely on to be there to help him build his life and be a good friend and lover on his journey, I just wanted to add a fun partnership...I never showed up to take anything other than his time. I assumed his aspirations were so great that my limits fit in perfectly...and they do...just not for him. I would have felt relieved for him to have a girlfriend close by, I can't even think of a reason not to tell me he wanted at least another partner. Imagine the nerve of telling me daily how he was lied to and cheated on throughout all his relationships only to be doing the exact thing to me...it's shocking to the soul. Just like Joseph, he takes the entire relationship and burns it...the friendship, for them, only exists within the intimacy you share. I think of Marcus and wished he could have seen how a strong friendship with me outweighed any other type of relationship. We all have our faults, we all have a story and I miss hearing his...and being part of it. I still can't tell you how I became the enemy to him, I don't know if it can ever be undone and I sure as hell don't know how to fix it so I don't say anything at all...I keep writing and writing...I just have to let him go...