A Love, A Loss, and Peace XVIII

I was startled awake by the nurse administering more drugs to my father. He was never a good patient, he fought with the nurses because he didn't want the drugs but they have a job to do. I rolled my eyes then rubbed them, I was feeling annoyed with him. I get that he's ready to go and make peace with his life but I wasn't exactly caught up to him.

After she left I pulled my chair closer to my father and held his hand, he's so fragile and torn...he doesn't want to leave his kids but he wants to go home to his parents, he misses his father and is tired. I caught my breath and squeezed his index finger, like I used to when I was his little girl.
     "How are you feeling?"
     "Like shit, I haven't felt good since I don't remember when".
     "What about dialysis?"
     "I'm not doing it, no intervention at all". I didn't flinch, this is his life and I am playing his last cards the way he would have.
     "Okay, I'm going for dinner with Erin and I'll come back in a few hours. Can I bring you anything?"
     "Cigarette and Diet Pepsi".

I looked back and flashed him a sassy smile since he thought he was slick adding cigarettes.

I drove to the restaurant in silence wondering how I was going to say good bye to my father...one last time...