Finding My Limits IX

Karen was delayed picking me up from the airport which gave me the time and space I needed to read what was waiting for me.  I decided that regardless of his words I would stick to my plan to strengthen my boundaries in our friendship. I have joked in the past about having a support group and playing therapist to others I have found on dating sites but he is for real and I am not qualified to do anything but listen and guide him towards help. Alcohol has become his fuel and gives him the courage he needs to continuously be a victim...and he is a victim...but he is also almost forty years old and does nothing to change that part of his life.  

I finally turned my phone off of airplane mode and watched the emails load up. The first five were written only minutes apart; they were full of hateful thoughts towards both of us. It bothered me more that I was becoming desensitized towards his abusive behaviours and was able to roll my eyes and move forward.  Three hours after his fifth email he sent one apologizing for his angry outbursts, photos and mean words...he must have sobered up.  It's difficult for me to stay angry with him because mostly I feel so sad that he still lives like that little boy and can quickly identify with him. I stopped myself from responding because I would need to be careful not to minimize his behaviour but also wanted to be sensitive towards how he would be feeling.  It's time to implement new boundaries...but first I just want to go home, see my family and enjoy the best part of my lives...