Starting My Journey IV

I open one eye and immediately shut it due to the blinding sun coming through the blinds.  Am I on the floor?  I sure am, I have a slight memory of trying to figure out how to stop the room from spinning last night...the bed must have been too high to put my foot on the floor so I just climbed down and decided it was best to stay there.  It's been a long time since I've seen Leann and try not to giggle remembering last nights festivities as I have a crippling headache that compliments my sick stomach nicely.

I'm finally able to pick myself up off the floor and make my way to the washroom.  I take one look in the mirror and make a mental note to either stop wearing so much make up or start hunting Batman.  I can hear Leann crying or dying in the living room and I can only imagine that she feels and looks about the same as me.  I'll have to go see her...right after I have a nap on the washroom floor.

So there I was laying on the floor praying for the sweet release of death and two things occur to me; the first is that Dan is right, it is absolutely okay and essential for me to have time for myself and the second is that gin does not like me nearly as much as I like it.  The guilt of spending time with friends slides away and I feel a little relieved and happy...for now.  I'm well aware that one negative comment can easily erase the hundred positive ones...ugh it makes me sick thinking that negative people have so much power over what I think of myself.  I hear a knock at the door and Leann comes in with her blanket and takes a spot beside me on the floor she hands me Advil and water...I love this woman.

After packing up my things and having a little something to eat I know it's a long drive back and I have to get on the road if I want to put my daughter to bed tonight.  I hug my friend and grab my things.  I can't help but feel sad wondering if and when this would happen again, I mean it's not like she just lives down the street from me.  I jump in my car and throw my things in the back seat and head for the highway.  As I start to count the towns on my way home the guilt creeps back in and I know it's because I want to do this again...and I want to do it often.  At this point I'm just grateful that I'm far too dehydrated to cry, I open the sun roof and turn up the music...three towns down and about seven hours to go.