The Character I Play in This World III

One of my favourite times of the day is when I wake up at an ungodly hour to check my dating profile.  I have my coffee, two dogs and about an hour that is completely mine.  Logging on and seeing what awaits me feels the same as the anticipation for Christmas morning...keeping in mind that sometimes you open the gift...or message and wonder WTF?

I remember filling out the lengthy questionnaire for the profile.  Part way through it I remember thinking "no way everyone is honest about this".  One of the questions asked about your income and they state it's to group you with others in your income class.  Great! so if I'm single and barely making ends meet, then please by all means give me someone else's money issues as well.  Whatever happened to money not mattering, I thought money wasn't supposed to be an issue.  Maybe instead of asking how much I make they should ask if I am drowning in debt.  For all they know I can really stretch a dollar and have no debt, but because I make $50,000 a year I can't get to know people out of my income group...hmmmm.  So I do what I think is appropriate, I double my income and double the amount of people who get to view me.  While I'm filling out this questionnaire it occurs to me that I am simply looking for fun, someone that could possibly go out a couple times a months and maybe a quick trip or two throughout the year, not someone to build a life with.  Now I feel completely justified in embellishing my profile and tweaking it just a little to find people that not only want what I do but can afford it as well.  Another thing occurs to me at the same time...if I'm lying about my income, there is a good possibility they are too...ugh I just can't win.  This process starts to become tedious and painful.  Yes I have children, no I do not want more.  Yes I enjoy travelling and my friends think I am outgoing and smart...because if they didn't then they likely wouldn't be my friends.  I really think they need a 'not applicable' button for some of these.  Do you want to get married? Do you want children? Where is the space for me to answer "thanks but I have both?" I just power through and start to answer the questions as if I was being asked to describe someone I would want to spend time with.

Ta da!  All done!  I take a deep breath and start window shopping for friends and possibly...dare I say...an affair.  Let me tell you that within ten minutes I realized that window shopping for a man on a free on line dating site is like window shopping at a dollar store.  I mean sure I do find some things useful there but it's not my store of choice.  But here I was and I wanted to at least give it a try, I figured I could talk to some people and maybe meet a friend or two.

Within a couple minutes of posting my profile and picture I get my first message..."are you DTF?" Yep, I am clearly at the dollar store digging through the bargain bin.  I click ignore and resume my search.  Before I know it another message pops up.  "Hi, my name is Robert, how are you?" Perfect someone with conversation skills. "I'm doing great thanks for asking, how are you?"  Robert tells me a little about himself, he is 57 years old, well travelled and has grown kids...oh and he recently became a widow.  As I'm taking in all of this information on my new friend I think, well he is older than I would want but he seems to have his life together and most importantly...started a conversation with "Hi" which is the best conversation I've had to date on this site.   I immediately tell Robert about my situation and tell him that I have no intention of leaving.   We start to chat about our lives and experiences and what we are looking for on this site.  Robert is very clear that he is looking for someone younger then he is because he is young at heart and enjoys staying active.  He told me about all of his travelling and desire to find a younger woman that he can take on vacation to his favourite island.  As I am reading this the obvious is going through my thoughts, he is handsome, smart, well travelled and is fine with my situation.  Things are looking up! This didn't take long at all, one guy appeared to be an idiot but my second interaction is almost exactly what I am looking for...with about twenty years more experience then I would have liked, oh well I can't win them all.  Robert is starting to speak very seriously about taking me to his favourite island to scuba dive, take in the culture, eat good food and just be good company for him.  As he is talking about this adventure he starts talking about how is wife used to love it there and would go almost on a monthly basis, he then continues to only speak on his dearly departed wife in great length.  I start to feel a little uncomfortable like I am becoming more a sounding board or therapist and less of a love interest.  "Robert, how long ago did your wife pass away?" It's not like I was expecting him to say twenty years ago, but when the answer came back "about six months ago" my jaw hit the keyboard.  So, me being a person who has to have clarity and likes to know intentions of others asks, "Robert are you hoping that you can take me to the island a few times a year as a way to replace the presence of your wife?" He simply responded "yes".  I had to take a minute to think about this because Robert is the second person I've spoken to and I've been out of the game a long time...was this normal? Do people do this?  Am I going to be trapped on an island with a middle aged man that is still grieving the loss of his wife?  Is there going to be enough alcohol on this island for me to look past the middle aged man crying on his lobster while he looks across the table at me and wished I was her?  And then the most simple thing popped into my head.  Remember as a child playing the game with your friends "what or who would you take to a deserted island?" well, I can pretty much guarantee you that I never answered "I'd take a middle aged man mourning the loss of his newly departed wife".

I'm counting today's on line dating adventure as a loss, but I am hopeful and if nothing else...entertained.

I finish my coffee, let my dogs outside and start making waffles for my little lady.