The Longest Summer XXXII

I waited until I could see Trevor coming down the hall until I went back into the room. This time I called him 'dad' immediately, I don't know if I did it so he wouldn't have to guess or so I didn't have to hear him guess. He didn't look directly at me, his eyes were looking over my right shoulder and whatever he was seeing captivated his attention. I walked over and placed my hand over his and smiled through my watery eyes. He finally looked into my eyes and I could see the light go off, he knows it's me. "When did you get here?" I cleared my through, "Just now". His chin was trembling and his face squished as he tried to fight back tears but after several strokes his emotions cannot hide and his poker face is gone. I talked about my children, his grandchildren, but he was preoccupied with something just over my shoulder. He started to cry then looked scared as he told me about the car crash behind me and the scary men who were crawling from the wreckage...I wondered if the hallucinations were here to stay. Am I allowed to tell him it isn't real? Are we allowed or correct him? My body started to tighten and I could feel my jaw clamp down...I'm not prepared for this.

I was emotionally bankrupt by the time I crawled into bed, I wanted to disappear out of my sadness but sitting in truth is about the only thing that relieves the pain. I mourned the loss of my father a while ago and now feel forced to watch his suffering while I hold his hand and try to promise there's more to life. I turned my phone over and summoned my new friend...Joseph is my favourite escape right now, and he has no idea about my nightmare...