The Longest Summer XXXIII

I woke in the middle of the night, disoriented and thirsty...I must have cried out all of my hydration. I used my phone as a night light to find my things and change into my pyjamas so I could go out into the kitchen and hunt for a bottle of water.

I could hear everyone snoring in there respective rooms and settled for the warm bottle of water on the table then stepped out into the backyard. I fell asleep part way through my conversation with Joseph and only now said good night with an apology for disappearing. He knows why I'm here but doesn't know the severity...there's no point in telling him. I held a cigarette in my hand but the thought of lighting it made me want to throw up, I remember when taking a puff would feel like everything was settling in me, my emotions and frustrations would leave for a bit but now just the thought of smoking evokes my gag reflexes. I placed the cigarette back in the package and opened my water instead.

I sat on the step going through my thoughts and hoping answers will magically appear. What am I going to say to him today? How do I tell him he can't go home...but I have to leave soon? He barely knows what's real anymore, how much more does he have to suffer before he is allowed to either live in peace or rest in peace....