Graduation III

Time feels like a harsh joke where it speeds up when I want and need it to stand still and then floats when I feel like I just can't wait even one more minute.  So much of my time is waiting to spend time with him and then it goes before I can catch my breath, I feel like I never have enough time to just take him all in.  I've been fighting time and birthdays for most of his life and it won't get better or easier I just find new ways to cope with time lost.  The problem is that time is always going to be against me, us, everyone, so crying and bitching doesn't help.

I finished beating the eggs and threw them in the pan.  The kids are heading to a soccer game today so breakfast may be all I get with them.    My little beauty walked around the corner with her blanket on her head and thumb in her mouth and it's about all my heart can take, she oozes cuteness.  Sometimes I look at her and question if I am truly done having children, no more firsts or tiny hands or the vision of a big family.  My heart says have more but my mental health says don't even think about it.  It's just another window of time that when closed can never be opened...it's pretty much nailed shut.  I poured another coffee and turned on some cartoons so she could curl up on the couch until breakfast was ready.

I was setting the table when it hits me...most of the time it will only be set for three and I wonder if it's enough...enough for her while growing up and enough for Dan and I when grown older...