New York State of Mind IV

Karen and I started our day hating each other at Starbucks about an hour after we intended to start the day.  We didn't actually hate each other, we just hated everything and everyone...blinking hurt and the sun needed to get lost in the worst way.  After two Americano's and fruit we decided to walk through Central Park until we could tolerate other people and being shoved around the concrete jungle.  There is something about this city that makes me feel incredible and looking over the trees at the beautiful buildings never fails to make me fall in love.

We finally exited on the upper east side by the Guggenheim Museum and started making our way down town.  I almost never take the subway or cabs in Manhattan, it seems like a waste to not enjoy every inch of the city.  Today we were walking to Soho to shop and eat, Karen has no idea how far that is and I'm hoping she is too distracted to notice.  She stopped to look at some art work on the street and I grabbed a corner of a bench and checked my phone for messages.  Mike was enjoying Atlantic City and had a few places he wanted to show me; he makes me excited and I can hardly wait to see him tomorrow.  We are connected the same way I was with John but Mike is open and vocal about himself and I easily gravitate towards him.  But I know darkness and I know that what Mike feels right now could change at any moment.  Darkness can make you fall in love and break your heart, it will build your empire then burn it to the ground...at times it has been my driving force and others it has driven me off a cliff...it can't be trusted...it's the trojan horse.  I wonder if that's how Dan sees and feels about me...initially a beautiful gift that opened his eyes to so much more in the world and then when he least suspected it...the flood gates opened and out poured all of my darkness into his life and now he looks at this gift and wonders if it was ever a gift at all.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Karen calling my name, I wiped my eyes and threw my phone in my purse.  Karen and I locked arms and proceeded down Fifth Avenue...we had about fifteen miles to walk round trip today.  How do people suffer in silence?