New York State of Mind XVIII

I crawled into the spare bed around 4 am, it was worth it to spend a little time with Mike.  This cop was an anomaly, although I only have John to compare him to so it's quite possible that Mike is normal.  I have no idea what to do with him, I don't even know what he wants from me but from the invite to Ottawa I highly doubt it's just friendship.  I make a mental note to meet Mike after my trip to Chicago and find out his intentions or game plan because I still don't believe John is not behind this in some form.

I could see my phone blinking out of the corner of my eye, who could be messaging me this early?  It was Mike...from Long Island.  "Good morning Natalie, let me know where you are staying in Chicago and I'll book my room".  He must be up this early for work; I almost forgot about him completely.  I'm excited he is coming to Chicago because we get along really well and I like him but when Mike the cop is around I forget my name.  I leave in a few days and I just need to concentrate on being at home and let the other life sit on hold, after all I can't seriously nurture that life and let my 'real' one fall apart.  I felt a tinge of excitement run through me when my mind wondered over to Dan; no matter how great or crazy these men are, my husband is incredible and I can feel the intensity towards him start to return.  I texted Mike the information he requested, texted my hairdresser for an appointment while it was fresh in my mind and I texted the cop...just because I really wanted to and liked keeping him.  I really feel that if I can find my balance between the two 'Natalie's' then I will have everything I want although part of me thinks that's a touch naive.  Riding the highs are easy, its trying to keep a float during the lows that seems unbearable.

I could see a shadow in my doorway and the big crazy curly hair made me giggle out loud.  I grabbed my daughter,  kissed her chubby cheeks and whispered how much I love her.  I took her into my bed and laid her between Dan and I...I may be sick, but I know I am blessed.