New York State of Mind XIIII

Two yards!  Ugh.  First game of the year against their biggest rivals and the provincial champions and we lost by two yards.  I felt terrible for him as we met mid field for our hug and quick chat before he made his way on the bus and back to the school.  He was impressive as usual but it's never easy playing against a much larger team that doesn't feel the effects of exhaustion.  This kid is remarkable and I am completely blessed that I get to be his mother.  I told him I would pick him up and take him for lunch after the team meeting and showers.  I still had to hug my mother and tell CJ about my surprise guest.

I walked back to the parking lot to find my mother and CJ people watching and catching up.  I have the best family.  These two are hilarious to watch and feed off of each other for who can outdo the other with best comment.  My family is not perfect in the least and it used to bother me because it acted as a reminder that neither am I but my family is amazing.  We are resilient, strong, passionate, crazy, intelligent, intense, driven people that will band together even when we don't necessarily talk or like each other.  It took a lot of time on my part and maturing to realize that I actually love the way my family functions because at least it's real and not manufactured.  Once you are part of the family there's no leaving; ex-husbands and wives are still part of us and I think that's amazing.  There have been times that I have gone years without speaking to a brother or sister and now I can't even think of a reason good enough to ever be okay with that...I know I am changing and it's reassuring to see that I am becoming a better version of me.  CJ has become my best friend over the past several months; he supports my choices and never judges me.  I have called him more than once for reassurance and comfort and he never lets me down, I would feel completely lost and scared without him by my side telling me 'it's okay'.  I remember times growing up that I wished my family was 'normal' and acted like everyone else's and now I am grateful that we are too amazing to ever be labelled 'normal'...I belong to this crazy tribe and I feel blessed to claim them.

I hugged my mother and we said our good byes; I told her to keep me posted for next weeks game as I'd be in Chicago.  CJ walked me to my car and I slowly let the cat out of the bag as I told him about Atlantic City and Mike.  I didn't think he would be upset but there was still a part of me that felt bad for inviting a stranger on our annual vacation.  His only question was how I was able to change locations on the dating site; I love this guy, he is part of my tribe.