New york State of Mind VIII

I threw on some heels, a little gloss, downed my third beer and pulled myself together.  It's funny how  when this all started out it was about opening my marriage and just trying a new path and now it has become a quest to find more people like me and maybe someone with an answer.  I don't know if Mike has those answers but we definitely share a lot and I want to learn more.  I don't miss John anymore and hardly think about him but I won't test those waters just yet...there's no point.  Karen finally returned and had clearly been shopping more than most would or could in a casino.  She was in a great mood so I pulled myself out of my own head and lost myself in her day.  I love this woman, she is amazing and beautiful...she loves and cares for me unconditionally.  She doesn't agree with my choices but respects my life and would do anything to take away my darkness...even absorb it into her own.  I ordered her dinner as promised and she is not cheap let me tell you, I can see the smirk on her face as she tests my credit card and patience...I can't help but laugh because she's so great.

I grabbed my purse and headed for the elevator.  My heart was racing and I couldn't explain why since Mike and I already met.  I had so many questions and so much to say but I needed to be mindful of being overwhelming as I can be when excited.  I don't want him to feel like I have an agenda...and I really don't want to have one.  I have this desire to connect with him and it's strong, I want to discuss a lifetime of darkness and feel that I am not alone.  I took a deep breath and stepped inside the elevator relieved that it was empty and I would be alone for a few minutes.  How do I even start?  He has thrown his life up to me on his darkest days without ever even looking in my eyes and I wonder if he will do it again or at least entertain me while I try and do the same.  I'm not ignorant to the fact that this can have consequences I may not want to deal with but it may also be my only chance...if not now, then when?

The doors opened and Mike was sitting on a bench just outside.  He is beautiful and makes me smile as soon as I see him.  I can't distinguish anymore if his looks are stunning or his soul and I don't think it matters.  "Hi Natalie, you look great.  There's a nice Italian restaurant we can go to if you like Italian".  He makes me feel comfortable immediately and my heart rate returns to normal as we lock arms and head for the restaurant.  He's a gentleman and I already enjoy his company.