New York State of Mind II

Karen and I arrived at the airport a few hours before departure which meant breakfast was on me.  After effortlessly passing through security we grabbed some coffee and waited by our gate.  I could see Karen drift back off to sleep as she slowly poured her coffee all over the seat beside her.  I love this woman, she came into my life a few years ago and we have been inseparable ever since.  She is a nana to my children, my best friend and has now become a friend to many members in my family.  She is overly protective of the people she loves and only allows a few in her inner circle.  I have been guilty of winding her up to watch her spin purely for my own amusement; it reminds me of John and I am instantly sick.  I put my feet up and rested my head on Karen's shoulder; she has been a great friend to me and a rock when my darkness rolls through.  Over the past several months she has become a compliment to Dan's support and understands my struggles all too well.  I have witnessed what her darkness can do to her and it sends a panic throughout my body with the possibility that one day mine could cripple me for months at a time.  I have watched her walk through parts of her life completely disengaged and vacant but she has never perfected hiding her sadness; I love her like a second mother.

I looked out the window as our plane pulled up to the gate and I finally felt all the excitement rushing through me.  I'm fighting to keep the guilt at bay and wonder how many Heineken I'll need to secure it doesn't show up throughout the next few days.  I woke Karen so we could get in line and board the plane.  We grabbed our seats and I immediately felt bad for the woman next to Karen trapped between her and the window.  I took my phone out to turn it off and seen a message from Mike, the cop.  "Hi Natalie, haven't heard from you in a while, I hope everything is okay and that we can get together soon".  It occurred to me that I hadn't yet spoke to him about the awkwardness I feel about him being on John's team.  I make a mental note to do it as soon as I get home, no point breaking that off until after I meet Mike...the one from Long Island.  "Hi Mike, I am doing great (lie), I'm just on my way to NYC so I'll text you when I get home".  I wonder how he feels about our friendship, we met because of John, they work together and he has seen me throw up in a ditch on more than one occasion...what is wrong with this guy?  In the time it took me to text both Mike's, Karen made friends with the woman beside her which is great because we can be a handful.  "Enjoy your trip and I hope to hear from you soon".  I powered my phone down and threw it into my purse.

Karen introduced me to our friend by the window as we taxied down the runway.  Nine hours until we touch down at LaGuardia; I can feel my anxiety creep up and I can't distinguish if it is from all the excitement I have around Mike...from Long Island, or from my fear of flying...wheels up...