New York State of Mind V

I laid in bed awake most of the night filled with excitement and anxiety.  I watched the clock tick down until it was time to start getting ready to leave.  I jumped in the shower and as soon as the hot water hit me I felt nauseous and sad, I sat down to collect myself.  The water washed over me and I could feel my body sweat out the fear...it's all an amazing ride but eventually you have to meet that person and the chances of it being exactly as you expect is so slim I wonder if it's worth a ride on my emotional roller coaster.  I try to relax, there is no reason for me to have any expectations regarding Mike.  The plan is to have dinner, drinks and maybe gamble a little, thinking beyond that is just adding stress needlessly.  I'm finally able to stand up and wash my hair.  It's time to pull myself together...if I'm gonna live on my edge then I'm going to at least try and do it with confidence.

Karen and I left a few minutes early to grab coffee, there was no way I could even think about food right now.  We arrived at Penn Station in time to play a game of 'guess which gate your bus is leaving from today'.  What a nightmare this place is and the longer it takes to figure out the system the more intense my anxiety becomes.  After a solid hour of running from gate to gate we finally asked for help and were taken to the proper location.  The bus ride to Jersey was fast and we were in our car and on the turnpike in record time.  We decided to head straight for AC to eat and shop all day long.  With every mile we drove my fear grew and I couldn't even talk about it.  Karen will turn into a bigger mess than myself if she has to hear about this side of my life and I can barely hold myself together, I couldn't possibly take care of her emotional needs too.

The drive only took a couple of hours, we were drinking coffee and shopping like it was our job before noon.  Mike texted that there were keys waiting for me at the front desk and that he removed most of his things so Karen and I could have the room for the night.  I made a mental note to remind Karen to stay out of the mini bar, not to order room service or rent any movies...she can be a passive aggressive bitch at times and I didn't want her to ring up a bill as a silent fuck you to Mike.  I could feel my body start to vibrate, it was time for lunch and I absolutely had to force myself to eat.

After we ate we went to the hotel to drop off our things and park the car.  I had to meet Mike in a few hours downstairs so I wanted to rest and freshen up since I had already been up for several hours.  I laid on the bed while Karen went to check out the casino's.  I started to doze off to college football when I heard Karen come back into the room.  I felt a hand on my foot and someone whisper my name, my heart stopped and I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes...I was paralyzed with fear, that was not Karen...