The new Character I Play in This World IV

I received a call from my son today and the football team he assured me he was not going to join reached out in the hopes he would go to Texas again with them.  The tournament is the exact dates I am in NY with Tracy for a concert and I only booked my trip because he wasn't going to Texas, otherwise I would have booked for Texas.  So here I am with my son and I know he wants to go because it's another opportunity to play and be seen and I know he is telling me this hoping I will tell him to go even though I cannot.  Football has been one of our strongest glues that bonds us and I don't love the game nearly as much as I love watching him play it.  "You should go because you never know when you'll play again since high school football is over".  My only heart ache is knowing I can't make the trip and I know his father can't either...but Dan can and it will take no convincing since he loves to watch him play as well but doesn't always have the opportunity to go along.  It seems like such an easy fix until my own words ring in my ears...it actually may be the last time he plays competitive football since he was notified he is still too young for university ball; although he qualifies he really is only 17 years old.  Three years ago I told him that if he wanted to make a run for the bigs that I would do my best to finance him, he has always given 100% and I have followed through so I can't very well stop that now just because it conflicts with my schedule.  His opportunities to play should not be based on my opportunities to watch...and so they are not.  He can't see my tears and I'm grateful, I can't believe I won't be there, I almost never miss football.  He is still my hardest hill to climb and it's easy to fold back into myself and feel sad for the time lost and now for the opportunities I am missing, but it's not productive or necessary anymore...I wish my heart knew that.