Finding the Edge IV

I was hoping to sleep better now that I have meetings set up for the next three weeks but I tossed and turned all night.  Dan is sleeping soundly and I hope I didn't disturb him.  I crawled out of bed, grabbed my computer and like every other day in this unbearable cycle, I made a coffee and headed for the couch.  I logged into my profile in the hopes that George would be on, I really want to know his story.  It still amazes me that I get a ridiculous amount of messages from young guys.  I change my profile to state that I don't like Pokemon, COD or weed, I also don't camp or go mudden...delete, delete, delete, delete...

On my second page of messages I can see I have one from George "hi, I'm George care to chat?"  He has no idea how much I actually care to chat with him.  He has no picture and his profile is well written which makes me think he's quite intelligent...but why the mystery?  "Hi George I'm Natalie and I have a few minutes to chat".   I finally convince him to send me a picture to my email because I have this need to match the face with the person I'm talking with.  I'm completely aware that just because he sends a picture does not guarantee it is him, but I believe him...for no good reason.  "So George, what's your story? Why are you here?"  He's really intelligent and funny, he's a dad and..ah hem...a husband.  George is well aware of my situation and knows that I am not looking for anything, oddly enough neither is he.  He is in a rut in his marriage and doesn't know where to turn.  He joined the site just to have something different in his life.  Holy Cow!  George and I have so much in common, except I'm not sneaking around and my marriage isn't hanging by a thread...I hope.  He feels completely disconnected from his wife and can't leave because he has three children but doesn't want to keep watching his years float by.  He says he wants to fix his marriage but I question the authenticity of that statement given the fact that he is spending his morning with me on line and not with his family.  George would be another I'd sign up for my support group...maybe I should host it online within the site, that way people could drop in.  I've lost my mind.  I feel sad for him and her, it sounds like an awful existence that occurs out of habit and not wanting to work on the change.  I picture the lonely nights and silent dinners, barely speaking other than about their children, no touching or laughing, no date nights or love.  It makes me wonder how many other people live like that and use on line dating as an escape.  George won't make the move to meet anyone in person, he simply uses this as a way to have any sort of connection to a woman.  He admits he is passive aggressive in his approach but shuts down whenever he feels rejected, he hasn't had sex in over a year and it has started to take a toll on his own health.  I can't understand why two people would choose to live like that and probably millions of others row that same boat everyday.  I can feel my eyes burn as the tears start to flow...I would let Dan go before I ever stole his life or packed mine in.

Dan comes around the corner, I close the computer and hug him like he's leaving forever rather than for work.  He can see I've been crying, he smiles "how's the support group?" I love this man...