Summer of Natalie VIIII

I woke to find a text from Jay apologizing for the night before.  I assured him it was okay and that Leann and I both enjoyed meeting him; I felt a little sadness for him as he struggled to move on from a life he loved.  I brought Leann some water and Advil before I started packing up my things, I hoped it would help her feel better and we could get something to eat before I left.  I found her half dressed sleeping in the closet with her dog, I helped her to the bed and decided I would just run out and grab coffee and food and come back. 


While I was waiting for Leann to wake I checked my profile, cop, cop, cop, cop, I am seriously amazed by the amount of police on this site.  I finally give in and decided to entertain a conversation with one.  His name is John, he recently moved provinces, is going through a divorce, has a son and is still living with his soon to be ex wife.  As I'm taking in all of this information it makes me think of the men I have already talked to and met...it's all relatively the same story and it is starting to look like my support group may fill up fast.  We discuss family, jobs, likes and dislikes; we have so little in common this seems like a waste of time for both of us; but what the hell, we exchange numbers so we can text if we want to continue talking.  He seems pretty normal and just looking to meet people in his new city and possibly have a relationship if the opportunity arises; although I imagine living with your ex-spouse may be a turn off for women looking to get married or have a relationship.  He has a great sense of humor and I like chatting with him, it's easy and effortless like we are instantly friends.  He's working today and I am gathering my things to leave, we agree to stay in contact and possibly have a drink next time I'm in town...I might leave Leann behind for this one. 


I went back in to see if Leann was any better or awake...she was not.  I left her a note and headed to my car.  I was happy to be alone with my thoughts for the eight hour trip home.  I decided that I really enjoyed meeting people and found that we are not all that different and just because I'm not single doesn't mean we don't share many of the same struggles.  I actually enjoy the on line site and made a note to talk to more people and meet more people. I was interested in knowing about them and hearing their stories, I had no desire to make it anything more then that.  I thought about my own story, poor Natalie found her soul mate, lives a beautiful life and has two beautiful children...the whole world cries for me.  I start to feel guilty again, but I won't tolerate or entertain it.  This is not about guilt, it has become my journey to find what I am missing and long for.  I need to find my edge and then live it...but how do I even start to look for it?


I look over and see my phone is lit up, it's a text from the cop...