Summer of Natalie V

I woke with a little more optimism today and felt a tinge of excitement.  I grabbed my computer and headed for the kitchen.  I liked my alone time in the morning drinking coffee and snuggling with the dogs...and checking my profile of course.  I logged on to change my location to Leann's, I figured since I'm going to be there regularly I may as well meet some new people.  I could feel the guilt creep up slowly, I was finally comfortable pushing it away, after all I wasn't doing anything wrong or sneaky.

It felt good to have this new empowered attitude, it made me feel driven, happy and motivated; like I was back in the drivers seat.  I started to wonder how long it would last but snapped out of that train of thought quickly, I just need to focus on taking full advantage of my new state of mind now.  I say my mantra a few times, take a deep breath and smile...life is good.

So here I was feeling great, drinking coffee and checking out profiles.  I immediately start to get message after message, I couldn't believe how many people are up long before the sun.  The first three messages I checked were all cops.  I started to check profiles and most of them were cops.  I had to double check the site to make sure it wasn't designed strictly for law enforcement...nope it was correct.  I had heard that police officers have a high divorce rate but this was almost absurd.  Would I want to meet a cop? I already work in the system so I knew I'd at least have some things in common but didn't really get along with most of them.  Cops didn't exactly like me, maybe it's because I'm challenging or mouthy or not submissive, either way I didn't think it was in my best interest to have a drink with a person allowed to carry a gun.  I envision an argument breaking out and me assaulting an off duty officer, the worst part would be calling Dan for bail money because my date didn't go as planned.  That may be one of the worst case date scenarios; my husband paying my date so I can leave the holding cell.  I finally started talking to a guy that was around my age, not a cop and just looking to make friends since he was just starting a divorce...perfect!  He's a farmer and doesn't carry a weapon and isn't looking for anything but someone to have drinks with.  We agreed to meet and have a drink on the weekend since I will be there and he's off work.  I make a note to bring Leann along for the ride, then I make a side note not to tell her until we're already on the way.

I can hear her walking down the stairs and it makes me smile.  It feels amazing to be engaged in my own life and it seems easy and natural now that my days aren't running together.  She comes around the corner, "mama makes pancakes?"  You bet sweetie, I'd love too...and it feels good to mean it