Summer of Natalie XV

New York never disappoints.  It was a great vacation with two of my best friends...and John.  I managed to keep the other two busy so I could shop on the upper west side and walk through the park while sharing my day with him.  I started to ignore the voice that kept reminding that John and I had nothing in common and that he might not even be real.

We decided that a cab was a better option back to the airport as it allowed us more time in the city compared to a shuttle.  I watched Karen negotiate a price with a cabbie and instantly felt bad for him.  She's a firm believer that being a bitch means no one takes advantage of you, I don't share that belief but it's always good for cheap entertainment.  We got to LaGuardia with about an hour to spare and it may be the last airport in the free world without shopping.  They had lunch and I took the time to charge my phone and connect with John.  I still hadn't heard from him since last night and started to wonder why, it made me nervous because my thoughts went right back to him not being real.  I knew I was crossing boundaries and possibly walking too close to the edge when it came to him.  I felt like an addict; knowing it was wrong and still wanting it and nurturing it...I should have walked away but I just couldn't, it made me physically sick to even think about it.  I started to feel embarrassed about my thoughts and behaviour, I couldn't think straight long enough to figure out why I cared.  The worst part was having to tell Dan, as bad as I knew it was I couldn't add lying to my husband to the guilt pile I was building at record speed.

They started boarding our plane and I felt sick that I was going to have to turn my phone off.  I gathered my things and found my seat next to Karen.  I turned my phone off, it was time for me to touch reality and get a hold of myself.  I said my mantra and closed my eyes, this was going to be the longest flight of my life...