Summer of Natalie VIII

Dinner was great and I was a little tipsy when we arrived at the pub.  I was able to strike a deal with Leann where I could drink over dinner and then she could drink the rest of the evening, I wanted to be somewhat relaxed when I met Jay.  Leann hands me the keys after we park and asks me to give her a few minutes before I follow her into the pub, I know it's because she wants a front row seat to watch how this all unfolds.  I took a deep breath, said my mantra and walked inside.

I could see Leann sitting at the bar talking to those around her and out of my peripheral vision I can see someone waving intensely at me and standing at their table, I just smile as we make eye contact and make my way over.  So far so good, all his pictures were completely up to date and he seems to be really nice.  I can tell he's a little nervous, in the first ten minutes I have learned that he has four children, going through a divorce with the only woman he has ever been with, he is ridiculously rich from farming and inheritances and is stuck trying to find anything that makes him happy outside of his children.  I'm most interested in discussing the latter, maybe it's because I'm currently rowing that same boat.  Jay starts to talk about his wife in great detail and I can see the hurt all over him; he clearly wants to talk about this so I order a beer and settle in; by this time he is on his second beer and I've seen him down two shots.  He told me about how they met in junior high and he loved her from the start, they were joined at the hip since the first day.  They were married as soon as they were eighteen and started having children immediately.  Twenty years later he's just as in love and she left him after being diagnosed with a mental illness...we each take a shot.  My heart starts to break for this man who feels forced to get back into the dating world because the only woman he loves is sick and no longer wants to be married.  It makes me think of Robert and of how many others feel forced in life; I know Dan was kidding about starting a support group but at this point I'm seriously entertaining the idea.  Jay orders another beer and takes two more shots, I look over and see Leann has made the people at the bar her new friends.  My initial thought is how can I leave quickly if she is not willing to go...perhaps I need to reevaluate my escape plans.  Jay has ordered more shots and beer and I start to plan my exit.  He's a great guy but I have no idea what type of person he is when he's intoxicated and I don't want to find out tonight, maybe I'll save that surprise for the second or third date.

Leann joins us at the table and did her best to look like she just spotted me and didn't arrive with me; luckily he's drunk and doesn't appear to care..they each do a shot.  I introduced them then made my way to the washroom for a small intermission and smoke if I can find one.  I take the time to do a reality check, I'm doing this to meet people and have fun not to actually date.  By the time I get back to the table Jay is crying in his empty glasses and Leann is ordering more shots.  I can only assume she just sat through the same tragic love story I just did.  I have to laugh, this is amazing and I wonder how many people actually take the time to just enjoy stuff like this.  Jay is well aware that I am not meeting to start any type of intimate relationship and said himself that he would like to meet people and have friends, on line dating totally works...assuming you want to meet friends and not your husband.  Truth be told this could be a tedious and draining process if I was looking for Mr. Right, but I'm not and I can't wait to meet others.  We hung out for an hour before I put Jay in a cab and Leann in my car, it was not as easy as that just sounded.

After hitting up the drive through and having a night cap I crawled into bed and was a little happy to be alone with my thoughts.  I thought about the people that I had talked to and met over the dating site and I wondered how many just genuinely wanted to meet people and not hook up, maybe just friends to hang out with.  It made me think about the people that were forced to start a new life and then to actually live it.  Some people appear to just go along with life as if it's predetermined, 'I do this because I have always done this', people that don't ask questions or rock the boat for fear that their comfort will be taken away...when in reality it can be taken at any time without so much as a warning.  I wonder how many are like me, living a beautiful life and still feeling empty...maybe I have played it too safe with my choices.  It's time to find my edge and not just walk along it but look over it...