Summer of Natalie XI

I barely slept last night which is typically the case the night before I fly out.  My type A was in full form this morning and I had everyone at the airport and through security and customs two hours before take off.  My friends would have preferred to sleep the extra hour but I tend to get anxious before I fly, buying coffee and breakfast usually gets me a smile and forgiveness.  Besides, it's better to nap at your gate then be in full panic mode while trying to make your way through security, it makes me smile and think of CJ.

Since we had a couple hours before we left and had already had something to eat I took this opportunity to sneak away to answer some texts and start my day with John.  He was running errands and doing all his physicals and address changes since he finally had a free day and work demanded it.   He was ready to leave on his training exercise later today and reminded me that he wouldn't have any service to text.  I was relieved cause I wanted the next few days to enjoy the city and be around my close friends...but I had a sick feeling and I knew it was because I would miss our chats, I hate me.  Our relationship was different than what I was expecting, although I cannot for the life of me remember what I was expecting.  John was funny and sweet but never inappropriate, he never spoke of sex or an affair; we were friends.  He was respectful and considerate towards me and was becoming someone I really wanted to meet and if I'm being honest with myself...possibly an affair.

This was the first time that it ever crossed my mind that there could be trouble in my marriage.  Maybe this wasn't a crisis I was going through on my own, maybe I was bored with the lack of passion in my eight year marriage and wanted to break free.  I knew there was another reason but couldn't even attempt to think about it for fear the darkness would return, I decided divorce was a better path then the darkness.  I made a mental note to talk with Dan as soon as I got home...I wondered and almost hoped he felt the same, but either way I knew he would understand and help me through it.  Dan never made me feel bad for my choices and at times would validate and support them, he was perfect...luckily guilt had become a close friend of mine and I was able to slightly ignore it.

John was getting ready to go into his exam and I had to get back to the gate to board the plane, we said our good byes and agreed to touch base in a few days when were both home.  I got to the gate just in time to slide in beside my friends.  When we finally got settled on the plane I grabbed my phone to turn it off  and noticed a text from John, 'Hey Irish, you wanna come to Ottawa with me?  I have a training exercise and could use the company'...